How to Conquer the World in Three Easy Steps
by Russian Blue Witch
Summary: The sequel to Personal Property about Freya's attempt to conquer the world. It has very little to do with Sonic the Hedgehog and I just listed it as one because it has the Chaos Emeralds and Sonic fan characters in it.  See my profile for full description
1. Prologue

**How to Conquer the World In Three Easy Steps**

**Or: Insert name stolen from a 1994 Sonic game here**

**Prologue**

**Or: Step .5**

If you climb the second-highest mountain in the Pokémon world, and if you stand on a ledge on the east side and look carefully at the snow to the right and left of you, you might catch a glimpse of what on the outside looks like an old abandoned cabin. It's just a trick. If you go inside you will find it is anything but abandoned. But don't go in there if you value your life.

Inside the building was a small but very crowded laboratory. A man of medium height sat there, looking very bored. He looked normal enough- with the exception of his deep red hair- but just like his cabin, he was anything but. Every now and then he'd glance at the heavy snowfall outside, as though he were waiting for someone.

Then there was a loud bang and a flash of light. "Honey! I'm home!"

"Don't leave me alone like that!" He scolded his wife. "You know I hate it when you go away for days and leave me stranded here!"

"I was busy," The woman replied. "I was helping this nice family. And just before I left you said you didn't want to be bothered because you had hit upon this amazing formula and you wanted to be alone to work it out!"

"You should know by now that I never mean that, Freya!"

"Well I don't get your problem, Mister Midgard! Just fly down the mountain if you want a break!"

"You know I can't fly! How many times do I have to remind you that I can't fly!" Midgard yelled. He stood up as if to look Freya in the eye, but he already knew that was impossible since she was almost two feet taller than him. "And even if I could fly, it would be dangerous to fly in this heavy snowfall."

"Fine! Just don't bite my head off!" The two of them stared at each other for a few seconds. Then Freya said, "I happened to meet one of our great-great-whatever grandsons while I was down there."

"Freya!" Midgard shouted. "There's no such thing as a great-great-whatever grandson! Tell me who it is and I'll find out exactly how he's related to us!" He pulled out a red leather journal.

"His name is James; remember, he was one of the people you used to point out that not all our great-great-and-so-forth grandchildren are bootlickers."

"Oh, yes; he's our great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandson."

"Yeah, and he's got point-five meter luck."

"What? Oh no; you have to be joking!"

"I know, that was my reaction too; but I'm afraid so. In fact it might be something more extreme than point-five meter luck; it might even go down to centimeter luck!"

"Centimeter luck?"

"It's that bad."

"Oh no."

There was an awkward pause.

"So what's this formula you're working on anyway?"

"Oh, it's that forgetting potion you've been wanting to use. You won't believe how awesome it is. You don't even need to have the victim drink it; it works better if you inhale it, and the best part is that it can be neutralized by this inconspicuous talisman. You can wear the talisman anywhere on your body as long as it's touching bare skin, and it will still work!"

"Oh, awesome!" Freya exclaimed. "I'll put this to good use." She took the bottle from Midgard's hand.

"But… how are you going to use it?" Midgard sounded nervous.

Freya smiled mischievously. "I'm glad you asked."


	2. Step 1

**Step one: Open an Orphanage for Not-So-Abandoned Pokémon**

**Or: Double Ditto**

Meanwhile, in another part of the world, far away from the cold snowy mountains that would soon become the stage for about a thousand other stories, four young people and two Pokémon were on their way to Professor Ivy's house. And, high up in the sky, two adults and one Meowth were floating around in a balloon, waiting to strike. And higher yet, a Skeeerngi was also waiting to strike.

This Skeeerngi in question was getting very tired of life on a tropical island. All he'd eaten for the past few days had been Krabby, Krabby, and more Krabby, with a Wingul he'd managed to snatch once. He was bored of this kind of diet. He felt like some nice, tender Pidgy, or a small, delicious Pichu, or a- or a Meowth!

* * *

"Move lower! I can't see them!" Meowth shouted, leaning over the edge of the basket.

"Moving lower won't help," Jessie said. "They just went inside that house, that's why you can't see them. Pay more attention next time!"

"Hmm…" Meowth mused. "Well, then-"

But the Skeeerngi wouldn't let him finish the sentence. He snatched the cat-like Pokémon off the balloon, and then pecked the larger Meowth (the balloon) on the cheek.

"We're blasting off again!" James and Jessie shouted.

"Without Meowth!" Meowth shouted. "Help!"

* * *

"That's a nice Firecon," Professor Ivy said. "Where did you find it?"

"I'm a she, not an it!" Firecon shouted, flapping her wings in agitation.

"Oh, it talks?" Hope asked (the three had come back from vacation in Brock's absence).

Firecon started to say something then stopped herself.

"Yes, she talks," Tracey answered for her. "And not like a parrot either. She really understands what she's saying."

"Okay, I finished up in here!" Misty shouted, walking out of one of the lab rooms. She had been 'cleaning up' after a mage had turned most of Professor Ivy's Pokémon to stone.

"Great! Thanks so much, Misty!" Then the professor turned to Brock. "Are you going to stay with us?"

"I don't think so," Brock said. "I mean, I really miss traveling with these guys."

Professor Ivy nodded solemnly. "We'll miss you."

"Well let's head out already!" Ash said. "I'm afraid Brock will change his mind if we stay here too long."

"Maybe if you were a better friend, you wouldn't have to worry about that," Brock remarked.

They started to head to the dock, not really having a plan as to where to go next.

Suddenly Firecon started. "Did you hear that?"

Everyone looked up. "I don't hear-" Tracey started to say, but then he heard it.

A very small voice, somewhere high in the clouds, was calling out, "Help! Help!"

"I'm gonna see what's going on!" Firecon shouted, flying into the air.

"But Firecon!" Tracey started to shout.

"What?"

"…Just don't die on me."

"I'll do my best."

"But what if it's something dangerous?" Misty interjected.

"That voice sounds dangerously familiar!" Ash said.

"_Cawn! Cawn! Firecon! This pretty bird is good as gone!_" The fiery falcon flew into the air, vanishing behind a cloud.

* * *

"Help!" Meowth cried out again, then reached up again to try and scratch the Skeeerngi's feet, only to nearly break his claws on the scaly legs.

"Skree-skeer-a-gi! (Stop trying! You're doomed!)" The Skeeerngi shouted.

"Not yet he's not!" Firecon shouted, rising through the mists.

"Skreeen! (A little chick!)" The dark-flying Pokémon laughed.

"Call me a chick? Take that!" Firecon shot flames out of her mouth. She could use it powerfully, but the move did only a moderate amount of damage because she had only burned up the Skeeerngi's upper half.

The Skeeerngi started screaming. If you've never heard a Skeeerngi scream, don't feel sorry for yourself. It will drive you mad.

Firecon spent a long time just shutting out the noise. Then she realized she was forgetting to flap, a few seconds too late. CRASH!

"Firecon!" She heard Tracey shouted, concerned. "You said you were going to be fine!"

"I am fine! I'm going again!"

"Are you nuts?" Ash asked. "Just let me send Pidgeotto with you or something!"

"No, leave me alone! I can do this!"

She launched herself into the air, aiming towards the black speck in the distance. This time, she tried stealth rather than strength. The goal, she reminded herself, was to rescue the Meowth, not to defeat the Skeeerngi- that was nearly impossible. As she flew upward, she reached for the Meowth's paw, hoping the Skeeerngi wouldn't look down and notice her.

Meowth grabbed her talon. "What are you going to-?"

But Firecon launched herself into forward, dragging the dark-flying Pokémon after her. "Drop him!" She shouted.

"Skreeeee-a-skeerg! (I'd rather drop you!)" The large bird flew the opposite direction.

"Augh!" Meowth shouted as the two birds played tug-of-war with him.

But Firecon launched a blast of fire behind her, frying the Skeeerngi's wings. For a second, it stopped flapping, letting Firecon pull Meowth away.

Just as victory seemed in sight, the Skeeerngi reached down and scratched up the fire-flying Pokémon's wings. If it had been any other bird, its talons would have been burned by the fiery feathers. But they were too tough for that.

Firecon screeched in pain, firing more flames behind her. The flaming jet missed its target entirely.

Skeeerngi started to scream again, hoping to stun its victim and have a two course dinner. But it stopped mid-cry and collapsed, its health drained by a burn it had received earlier. It plummeted to earth, crashing on the ground hard.

* * *

"Firecon won!" Misty shouted.

"Wow!" Brock said. "That was amazing!"

"Who defeated who?" A little girl carrying a basket asked, walking up.

"Firecon defeated Skeeerngi- wait, who are you?" Ash asked.

"Me? I'm out gathering," The little girl flipped her blond hair over her shoulder and stooped down to pick up a stick.

"I meant your name, not what you're doing," Ash said.

"I'm- I'm Ayerf."

"Funny name," Tracey said.

"It isn't half as funny as Sketchit!"

"That's not my name! It's my last name! And how do you know my name?"

"Hey!" Misty shouted. "Firecon's flying in the wrong direction."

* * *

"So can I drop you off anywhere?" Firecon asked Meowth.

"I don't want to be dropped!"

"I didn't say I was going to drop you! I said can I drop you off anywhere!"

"Oh. Just fly until you find a wreaked balloon; you can set me down there."

"In a minute. There's something you need to tell me first."

"Like what?"

"Maybe show a little gratitude?"

"I don't say 'thank you'!"

"Hmm, okay, if that's the way you want it…" Firecon dropped Meowth.

"Augh! Help!"

But Firecon waited until he was about to hit the ground, then swooped down and grabbed him. "Thank you for flying Firecon Express, where deliveries aren't just for Pelippers anymore! All that is required to make a delivery is a simple expression of gratitude!"

"All right, all right! Thank you! Are you happy now?"

"Yes."

They flew around for a while without finding the balloon.

"Why'd you save me anyway?" Meowth asked.

"I guess because you're the first talking Pokémon I've met who isn't born talking. You weren't, were you?"

"No; I taught myself."

"So did I. Why'd you learn to talk?"

"There was this girl… she rejected me because she liked the company of her owner, so I decided to be more human-like… It backfired. She called me a freak and would have nothing to do with me."

"_Cawn cawn!_ Almost the same reason I learned!"

"Really? Why did you learn?"

"Well, do you know who Pyra is?"

"Sort of."

"Well, she really loves Firecons and Fireonixes, and she can talk in their language, but she is still a human. I thought I might surprise her by learning her language, so that we could talk together and I wouldn't need her to translate for me all the time. So I kept it a secret and practiced and practiced. Finally, when I felt I was ready, I walked up to her and asked her, in Firecon, if she wouldn't enjoy talking to Firecons in her own language, and having them reply in her language. She said-"

Firecon broke off and flew around, looking sad.

"What? What did she say?"

Firecon sighed, then, in an impression of Pyra so good it was freaky, said, "For your information, I think Firecon language is the best language in the world, and if I met a Firecon who didn't think her own language was good enough for her… I'd hate her."

"Wow," Meowth said softly.

"I know. So I never talked to anyone except briefly in Firecon until I met Tracey."

"Tracey? As in Tracey Sketchit? Why him?"

"I don't know. I guess I like saving people, and boy does he need it!"

"Saving people is addicting?"

"You have no idea how addicting. Hey, is that the balloon?"

"No, just a big white rock. Fooled me too."

"Do you ever want to be a Persian?"

"Heck no! I mean- I just have rivalries with too many Persians to want to evolve."

"I feel the same way. A Fireonix is too large to sneak up on people or sit on their shoulders. Although it would be helpful if I could carry more than one person at a time."

"Yet another thing we have in common. Golly."

"Who's your master? Do you even have one?"

"No, not really. Jessie and James are my friends/partners, not my masters."

"Partners? Wait, aren't you… you're Meowth!"

"Of course! Who did you think I was?"

"So I should probably drop you on some jagged rocks, shouldn't I?"

"Yeah, probably…"

There was a long silence.

"I don't want to drop you no matter what anyone says! I've never met anyone like you, who could empathize about my talking like that… Tracey didn't say anything about you talking. He just drew a picture of you and your friends and told me 'This is Team Rocket. They're probably going to try to capture you at some point, so if you run into them, fight now or prepare to surrender.' He didn't mention that you talked. I guess he didn't find it important. But I do!" Firecon felt an odd, pricking sensation at her eyes. She'd never felt that pricking before- well, only once, when Pyra had accidently threatened her. Wait, she couldn't be crying over an enemy! It wasn't supposed to work this way! She shook her head. "Look, maybe I should just set you down here, I mean, so that our friends won't-YAH!" A large jet of water knocked her out of the air, extinguishing her feathers. And when a Firecon's feathers go out, _they_ go out, like a light- both figuratively and literally.

Meowth screamed but was also knocked out, half from the water and half from the fall.

The Blastoise that had shot them down walked over, examining them. He was still deciding what to do with them when Ash, Misty, Brock, Tracey, and Ayerf ran up.

"Firecon!" Tracey shouted.

"And Meowth! What's he doing here?" Brock asked.

"Was he the one calling for help?" Misty asked, kneeling beside him.

"More importantly, how is this Blastoise going to pay for hurting Firecon?" Tracey shouted. He grabbed at his Pokéballs but then remembered he only had a Marill and a Venonat, neither of which would do much good against a Blastoise. "Um… Pokémon battle anyone?"

"Sure thing!" Ash shouted, reaching for his Bulbasaur. Then he realized that all his Pokémon were gone. "What the-"

"Oh, you are the cutest little Pikachu ever!" Ayerf cooed, holding Pikachu close. "Such the little darling! So… so captured!" Suddenly she shoved Pikachu into her basket.

"Pik-" Pikachu disappeared as soon as he was in the basket.

Ash whirled around. "What are you-?"

"I _said _I was out gathering!" The little girl shouted. "I didn't tell you _what_!"

Ash ran for her but Misty whipped out the Akku Amulet, hoping to undo whatever spell was on the basket. She missed and hit 'Ayerf' instead.

Ayerf disappeared briefly in a blazing light and then turned into...

"Freya!" Everyone shouted, except for the Blastoise because he couldn't talk and Firecon and Meowth because they were knocked out.

"Catch me if you can!" Freya shouted, not knowing what else to do, and ran off with her basket.

"You get her Ash!" Misty shouted. "Everyone else still has their Pokémon. We'll take care of the Blastoise!"

Except when they turned back the Blastoise was gone.

* * *

Midgard ran across the sand, his paws sinking into the sand with every step. He shook sand out of his fur and kept running. In his experience, when he needed to make a getaway, something small and cute, like a Growlithe, often found it easier than, say, a Wailord. Actually, a small bird like a Starly could probably make a better getaway, but he had never been able to turn into a flying type Pokémon and actually fly.

He ran up to a large white rock, hoping to hide behind it, only to find out it was really a busted balloon. Then he realized _whose _busted balloon it was.

"Hey look, a Growlithe!" Jessie shouted. "Let's get it!"

"What about Meowth?" James asked.

"What _about _Meowth? He's dead."

Midgard turned around again, running back to where he'd come from, then whirled around, deciding to see what his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandson looked like. A lot like Freya. He smiled and turned aside again, only to find out everyone had followed him.

"Augh! Team Rocket!" Tracey shouted.

"Hey! Have you seen a Blastoise around here?" Misty asked.

"No, just a Skeeerngi and a Growlithe. Why do you ask?" James said.

"It shot down Firecon and Meowth and is probably in league with Freya," Brock said.

"Who's Firecon?" Jessie asked.

"Where's Meowth?" James asked.

"With Freya. You sure about the Blastoise? Because it couldn't have just disappeared," Misty said, looking around.

"No, I-" Jessie stopped and grabbed her skirt. "I thought I felt someone tug-"

The Growlithe started to make his getaway with Ekans' Pokéball.

"Hey! Stop that Growlithe!" Jessie shouted.

* * *

Midgard ducked behind what he thought was another busted balloon but turned out to be a white rock. He was feeling hot, and not just from the tropical sun. When Freya had put the spell on him that allowed him to change shape into other Pokémon, she'd worked it out that whenever he used his power, it took energy from him. The longer he held a transformation, the more out of breathe he was and the dizzier he felt and the more his skin burned. When he'd complained about that to Freya, she created a necklace/talisman for him that had its own store of unlimited power. But- possibly to teach him a lesson and possibly because she didn't want him to have unlimited power- she'd also made the talisman so that only Freya could control what he turned into and when, and so he'd refused to let her use the necklace and went back to the old way, with the spell draining energy from him. He'd once preformed a rather informal experiment to test the limits of his powers. Freya had gone to meet up with a couple fellow sorceress and he hadn't wanted to be cooped up in their mountain cabin for a few weeks, so she'd taken him with, but he'd found that talking about magic was even more boring than their cabin, so Freya had sent him back. All sorcerers have trouble teleporting anything without personally going with, and his wife was no exception. He'd ended up _outside _the cabin- with the cabin buried under seven feet of snow with more coming down.

So he'd experimented by turning into a fire Pokémon, melting as much snow as he could, and turning back when necessity pressed him. He'd found he could stay as a Pokémon for about and hour, tops, before turning back, and that switching between different Pokémon without actually turning back lessened his symptoms somewhat. Then he had to rest for about a minute- less if he hadn't waited until he had to turn back- until he was strong enough to transform again.

The heat began to grow stronger, slowly but noticeable. He hoped that no one would find him and that Freya would hurry up.

* * *

But Freya was too busy teasing Ash. She'd put a spell on him that made him run in slow motion, and now was gaily skipping like she hadn't a care in the world, singing, "A tisket, a tasket, a green and yellow basket…"

"Stop… making… fun… of… me!" Ash shouted. His voice sounded low.

"Oh, but this is too entertaining! I wrote a letter to my friend, and on the way…"

"Hey! The Growlithe is over-" Tracey broke off as a Miltank head-butted him from behind.

A Miltank! Midgard hadn't meant to do that. He'd just panicked and turned into the first thing that came to mind. Now he'd better choose something better… He concentrated and turned into an Ivysaur.

Meanwhile, Misty and Brock ran up.

"Help!" Tracey said. "We were wrong! It wasn't a Blastoise _or _a Growlithe! It's a Miltank… never mind, now it's an Ivysaur."

"_I _think it's a Ditto," Brock said.

"A very good Ditto," Misty added. "It's the right size and right eyes and everything."

_I'm not a Ditto! _Midgard thought angrily. He tackled the whole lot of them.

Jessie and James ran up. "Who's a Ditto?" Jessie asked.

_No one! _Midgard thought. He turned into a Nidoking and used Earth Power to send everyone flying.

"I suppose this counts as a match?" Brock said.

"I suppose," Misty said. "Alright everyone! Here we go!" She flung four of her five Pokéballs in the air. "Goldeen, Horsea, Starmie, Staryu!"

Brock flung all three of his Pokéballs forward. "Onix, Geodude, Zubat! Go!"

"Go, Koffing!" James shouted, flinging out his solitary Pokéball.

"No fair! He stole my only Pokémon!" Jessie shouted.

"Live with it!" Misty shouted. "Goldeen! Use-" She broke off as Midgard turned into a Bayleef in anticipation. "Um, Brock?"

"Onix!" Brock shouted. "Do Slam!"

Midgard, who had turned into a Mawile in hopes of decreasing the damage done to it, frantically tried to think of something resistant to Normal-type moves. Before he could think of something, he was hit. Ouch! Spots whirled before his eyes, more because of how long he was remaining transformed than because of the hit. He shook himself and turned into Lombre, firing water at Geodude.

Geodude attempted a Defense Curl, but it didn't help enough. He was all but knocked out.

Midgard pressed his advantage, smacking both Goldeen and Starmie away as an Electivire. Goldeen was knocked out, but Starmie wasn't. It responded with a Rapid Spin, throwing the not-a-Ditto off his feet.

Midgard was getting tired. Breathing was growing harder. He had to finish this quickly, and the easiest way to finish something quickly…

He turned into a giant Gliscor, ramming everyone he could reach (which was everyone) with Guillotine.

"Oh, no!" Everyone shouted, as all their Pokémon went flying.

"A tasket, a tisket, a green and yellow biscuit…"

"Yuk!" Ash said. "And… that's… not… a… verse!"

"Yes it is! I just invented it!" Freya laughed, swinging her basket. Suddenly, Onix landed on top of her.

"Augh!" the self-proclaimed all powerful goddess said. "Oh, wait… That means Midgard succeeded! Hooray! Now I just have to gather these up…" She began the laborious process of fitting a thirty foot long Pokémon into a small basket. It wasn't easy.

"Stop! That's… Brock's…" Ash said.

"Try and stop me!" Suddenly, Geodude landed in the basket. Then the lighter Pokémon, who had flown the farthest, started falling.

"Whee! This is better than Apple Catch on the computer!" Freya weaved back and forth, trying to catch the falling creatures.

But when Koffing was about to fall, Midgard turned into Steelix and caught the falling poison Pokémon. Then he handed it back to James.

"Hey!" Freya shouted. "Leaving our relatives out of it was not in the plan!"

But her husband was too far away to hear her.

"_Our _relatives?" Ash asked. "Hey, your spell must have worn off or something!"

"Oops," Freya said.

"Now what?" Jessie asked. "We don't have any Pokémon left!"

"Actually…" Brock turned to Misty.

"Oh, no! I'm just lucky Psyduck hasn't taken the initiative yet."

Of course, that jinxed it. A beam of light shot out of Misty's remaining Pokéball.

"Oh, not you!" The water trainer shouted.

_A Psyduck! _Midgard thought. He laughed maniacally. Then he instantly regretted it, as his transformation wavered. There was another catch to the spell that Midgard forgot a lot. When he'd been little, he'd experimented with Dittos and had found the cells that constructed them to be similar to blood cells. So he'd tried injecting them (the cells, not the Dittos) into his bloodstream to see if that would allow him to transform. However, his own body would not comply. When Freya had cast the spell on him, all she really did was allow the rest of his body to work with the Ditto blood. So when he laughed, the transformation did weaken, but he'd trained himself to avoid that, although there was always a pause of a few seconds while he regained control.

Midgard, who still was a Steelix, slammed Psyduck away with his tail. The duck-like Pokémon flew a short distance, hitting his head hard.

Then Psyduck stood up. He began waving one hand (wing?) in front of him, the tip of it glowing whiter and whiter.

"What's he doing?" Brock asked.

"Don't ask me!" Misty said.

"He's your Pokémon! Don't you know?" Jessie said.

Finally, just as it was getting hard to look at Psyduck's hand (wing tip?) without being blinded, a large white ray shot toward Midgard.

Then Psyduck blinked, his already large eyes growing wider. Then he tapped his head in a making-sure-it's-there way.

Midgard, meanwhile, turned into a Kirlia and grabbed his head, thrashing around like crazy.

Misty and Brock blinked at each other.

"Midgard!" Freya scolded. "Stop waving about like that! We've got to get back!"

Midgard just gave her a pleading look.

"You are such a wimp." Freya curved three fingers like claws and put down the other fingers. She made this gesture over her heart and pushed it out toward Psyduck.

The white beam ran in reverse.

Midgard began breathing heavy. He had to change back… everything hurt… he couldn't keep his disguise up much longer…

Freya raised her hands to teleport. Her husband ran up to her, still a Kirlia.

"No, Midgard. You stay here and keep them busy." There was a bang and flash of light.

What! He couldn't 'keep them busy'! He had to change back… everything began going dark… just a little longer…

He fainted.

* * *

Freya hadn't teleported very far. To the mountain, yes, but not all the way up the mountain. Pretty low on the mountain, actually. Plenty of magic around here. And you needed plenty of magic to create a building from thin air, which was what she was going to do.

"Venerra! Quarr! I thought you were going to help me!"

"I _am! _Why'd you have to set this place up on a mountain?" The old woman stumbled up the path, dragging her husband by the staff behind her.

"Because it's out of the way. Now I need you to help me set this up. I don't really have any plans, so I'm open to suggestions."

Quarr looked at the scrubby bushes. "Possibly a large building, like a Greek temple?"

"I thought of that. It doesn't exactly say 'orphanage for poor abandoned Pokémon' though." Freya shook her head and began drawing a large rectangle in the dirt. "I sort of think it should be about this big…"

"That's too small," Venerra protested. "It needs to be a little longer, there…"

"And how many stories? I was thinking three…"

"What are you building, a mansion?" Quarr demanded. "It needs to be a little larger, only one story…"

"You're nuts!" Venerra said. "That's way too small! What we need is…"

* * *

Ash, Misty, Brock, Tracey, Jessie, James, and Psyduck (Koffing was still knocked out) stared at the figure lying in the sand. Since Midgard could very easily die by going unconscious while transformed, Freya had added an extra precaution: if ever Midgard got knocked out, or if his brain stopped working properly, then he would instantly revert back to normal.

"That's the weirdest Ditto I've ever seen," Tracey said.

"I'm not a Ditto!" Midgard shouted, and then collapsed again. "Ouch…" He tried to transform, but he felt like someone who has just ran the marathon at top speed: he couldn't go any further.

"Then what are you?" James asked.

"Not what! Who! Is that any way to talk to your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather?"

Psyduck quacked in a strangled way.

"Wait… how many greats is that?" James asked.

"Eighteen. And yes, I'm Freya's husband. My name is Midgard."

"Oh," Ash said. "Somehow I just didn't think about Freya having a husband."

"To have kids, you sorta need a husband," Brock said. "Or a man, anyway."

"Out of curiosity," Midgard said, "what's the name of the move the Psyduck did?"

"I don't think it has a name," Misty said.

"Oh, wow! We just discovered a new move! Wow! Cool! Amazing! Do you think we'll be in the paper?" Tracey clutched his sketchbook to himself in excitement.

"No, I think little pink Gyarados will fall out of the sky and tap dance for us," Misty rolled her eyes.

"Really?" Tracey said.

"What did the move do, anyway?" Brock asked.

"I don't really know. My head just felt about to crack with pain. Maybe we should ask the Psyduck."

"Don't ask him; he never remembers anything. Besides, I can't talk to him," Misty advised.

But the Psyduck was chattering eagerly to no one in particular.

"He says he doesn't know either, but all of a sudden his head felt light, like it wasn't there, and for the first time in his life it didn't hurt," Midgard said. "Well, that's basically what he said, but you know how Psyducks are: 'My owner baked me a muffin, a muffin I say. I really, and I mean really, like muffins. That reminds me of this funny story where my Aunt Mable, my Aunt Mable I said, my Aunt Mable dropped a bunch of muffins on the porch and… oh, that wasn't the question? Oh, sorry, sorry says I." Midgard laughed.

"How'd you understand him?" Jessie asked.

"Transformation stretched my brain so that I could understand any language, even different human languages, but I can never speak those languages unless I'm in the shape of something or someone that talks that language." Then Midgard realized Jessie's hair for probably the first time. "Hey, that's the same shade… Who's your mother?"

Jessie told him.

"Not helpful. Tell me all your relatives you can think of; maybe I'll recognize something."

Jessie ticked off everyone she knew that was related to her, which wasn't much. When she came to her grandfather, Midgard stopped her.

"That name sounds right… Give me a second…"

It was more like an hour. Midgard assumed every position good for thinking that there was, pacing all the time. Finally he said, "You are very, very, very, very, very, very distantly related; you're my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-granddaughter. I would tell you how you're related to James, but I don't think there's a name for it."

"Wow," Jessie said.

"Ouch," James said.

"I suppose it was a little obvious, given the hair and all," Brock said.

"But they're so different," Ash protested.

"Well, they both have centimeter luck. That's one thing they have in common," Midgard said.

"_What?_" Everyone said.

"Centimeter luck. It's… maybe I'd better draw a picture. Can I borrow your sketchpad?"

"Not my sketchpad!" Tracey protested.

"I'll give it right back!"

"Oh… fine…" Tracey very reluctantly handed it over.

Midgard ripped a page out of it.

Tracey screamed like Midgard had ripped his arm off.

"Chill, Tracey," Brock growled.

Midgard ran Tracey's pencil over the paper, so that one edge was pure white, gradually getting darker until the other edge was just black. "This is, essentially, what luck is like. In everyone's life, it's like a pendulum hangs in the midst of it, swinging unpredictably back and forth, from good luck to bad, from better to worse. Now what happens when you make the string a pendulum swings on shorted, say, a centimeter?"

"The pendulum swings faster?" Ash guessed.

"Correct. Now, for a long time people who studied luck thought that good and bad luck could be represented like this paper, but now Freya thinks it might be a cylinder, with extremely good luck and horrible luck meeting at the back." He folded the paper to show what he meant. Then he put his finger on the line between white and black and waved it back and forth in a pendulum-like motion, rapidly and predictably from best luck to worst luck. "Now do you know what centimeter luck is?"

"I don't think we're very lucky," Jessie said.

"On the contrary, I don't think anyone's survived more calamities than you and your little friend. Just because I live on a remote mountain doesn't mean I'm uninformed."

"That does kinda make sense," Brock said.

"Gimme my sketchpad back!" Tracey shouted.

"Sure, take it. I have to get back home." Midgard checked himself. "Actually, looks like I'm still stuck. I don't have enough energy to transform."

"How do you transform anyway?" Misty said.

"Freya's magic, Ditto blood, and an annoying talisman that I don't use anymore."

"_What _annoying talisman? Why's it annoying?" James asked.

"When I wear it I can transform unlimitedly, except that Freya gets to control what I turn into, and more often than not she would turn me into a Raichu and trade me for an Alakazam that actually could use telekinesis and then forget about me. Really annoying. And when I get away I have a long trek up a snowy mountain to endure."

"Why don't you just fly up the mountain?" Tracey asked.

"A. I already told you that only Freya controls what I can turn into while I wear the talisman, and B. I still haven't figured out how to change my bone structure yet. No creature flies with solid bones."

"If Freya's so mean to you, why are you still married to her?" Misty asked.

"Do you think I survived for centuries just because I'm long-lived? You don't anger sorceresses, especially ones as powerful as Freya." Midgard shook his head. "Oh, by the way, I'll try to get your Ekans back, since you're family and all."

"What about Meowth?" Jessie asked.

"I suppose. I'll see what I can do. I'm feeling better now, so I guess I'll bid you adieu. Goodbye!" Midgard turned into a Rapidash and ran off.

"We need to find that mountain," Ash said.

But the nice thing about being an author is you don't need to find the mountain to tell people what's happening there.

* * *

"There! Is that a satisfactory design?" Freya asked, putting the finishing touches on her new building.

Venerra shrugged. "I suppose it'll have to do."

"I still think it's too big," Quarr growled.

"Live with it. There's only one thing left to do now. You have your talismans on? Good. I'm going to activate Midgard's forgetting incense." She flipped the switches on the walls. Several air ducts opened, filling the room with a cloyingly sweet scent. "Now let's show the Pokémon their new home." Freya began dumping Pokémon and Pokéballs onto the floor. He two assistants grabbed as many balls as they could, tossing them aside as soon as they picked them up to open them.

Firecon fell to the ground, her claws still curled tightly around Meowth. She shook her head to clear it. Where was she? A second ago she'd been flying… a blast of water had hit her…

Pikachu shook himself. He'd just been with that nice girl Ayerf when she'd suddenly pushed him… he had to get back to his master… who was his master anyway?

"Young Pokémon!" Freya shouted. "You are now in Freya's Home for Abandoned Pokémon. You have all been rescued from your cruel owners and will be given the best of care here at my building."

"Cruel owner?" Meowth said. Then memories came flooding to him, as though he'd never recalled them before now; it was more of a feeling than a distinct picture; all he could remember was pain, and someone laughing at him.

All Pikachu could remember was every time he'd gotten hurt in a battle, except the way he remembered it, his owner- whoever that was- was enjoying watching him get hurt.

Charmander, Squirtle, Bulbasaur, Ekans, Pidgeotto, Butterfree, Onix, Geodude, Starmie, Staryu, Goldeen, Horsea, Marill, Venonat, and Zubat all felt the same way. So did all the other Pokémon there that did not belong to Ash and his friends/enemies.

But Firecon shook her head again, except this time it was in denial. "That's not true! I was perfectly happy, thank you, until I and my friends were kidnapped!" She turned to Pikachu. "You love your owner, remember? And you, Horsea and Onix! And Charmander… well, you love your owner _now_…"

Freya tried to hide her surprise. Apparently the potion wasn't working on the rebellious bird. At least, not when it was this gentle.

She grabbed Firecon. "I think we need to talk for a minute."

"About why you're kidnapping us?" Firecon started to use Flamethrower, but Freya teleported them into a back room. The sorceress had anticipated some Pokémon might be resistant to the incense, so she'd prepared this room specially. Firecon appeared in a gold-colored cage.

"Let's just see if you still love your owner in a few minutes," Freya said. She exited hastily, because the perfume was so strong.


	3. Step 2

Step Two: Interrupt the Story with a Really Long Flashback

**Or: Family Curses, Slave Work, and Other Pleasant Topics**

"Is that the Rapidash?" Misty asked, peering over the edge of Team Rocket's balloon basket.

"I think so. Full speed that-a-way!" Tracey shouted.

The wind suddenly began blowing strongly in the opposite direction.

"Augh!" Ash shouted. "Can't you control this thing?"

"Not very much!" Jessie shouted, grabbing the burner handle.

"Then why do you use it all the time?" Brock asked.

"Because when there isn't so much wind-" James broke off as the wind blew just as strongly in the right direction. "What's up with the wind today?"

"No idea. Why would I know?" Tracey said as the wind blew in completely the opposite direction.

"Just wanted to mess with your minds a bit," RBW said. "Carry on." The wind blew gently in the right direction.

"Okay, and now we lost the Rapidash!" Ash shouted in agitation.

"Look over there!" Misty shouted.

Across the ocean, behind Tyrren forest where our heroes had been on their last adventure, was an enormous mountain, dotted with trees near the base and covered with thick snow on top. A large lake covered part of it. But Misty was not pointing at the mountain; she was pointing at the Milotic swimming across the ocean toward it. When the beautiful creature reached the shore, it transformed into a Rapidash again.

"Set course for that mountain!" Tracey said.

"Who died and made you king?" Brock asked.

"Somehow I think I've seen that place before…" James said.

* * *

Midgard looked over his shoulder. He wondered if those determined trainers were following him. Had they missed him? Would they come after their Pokémon? He half hoped so. He ran a little faster, as though he was afraid of being pursued. And he was, in a sense, but not afraid for himself.

* * *

About an hour later, Ash and Jessie were arguing while everyone else tried to gather up the balloon.

"We'd probably get there faster if we just walked!" Misty shouted in frustration, throwing her scraps of latex down.

"Good idea," Ash said. "You can carry my throne for me."

"Nobody's carrying anyone's throne," Brock said. "You don't even have one."

"Rats," Ash said.

* * *

It was a long walk through the forest. Nothing eventful happened other than Ash arguing with Jessie about the balloon.

Suddenly they thought they heard someone singing. The song sounded pretty idiotic.

"Oh, what a lovely pleasant-y day, and look at the people coming my way. Burny, Foggy, Rocky, Drew, rich kid and poor kid- but where are Squeak and Mew?"

The mysterious person seemed to be infatuated with the last line, because she kept singing over and over, "Where are Squeak and Mew? Where are Squeak and Mew?

Where are Squeak and Mew? Where are Squeak and Mew? Where are Squeak and Mew? Where are Squeak and Mew?"

Finally a young Aipom dropped down from the tree in front of them in a shower of leaves. "Answer the stupid question already!"

She was not your standard Aipom. Her tail didn't have a hand on the end, and her face looked more human than an Aipom face usually looks. Her eyes were blue.

"Huh?" Ash said. "I didn't know you were talking to us!"

"Sure you knew! I called you by name, didn't I? You're Burny."

"No I'm not!" Ash shouted. "My name is Ash!"

"Okay. And you're Foggy," She pointed at Misty.

"I'm Misty!"

"Whatever. And you're Rocky."

"My name's Brock!"

"Oh well. And you're Drew."

"Tracey!"

"That's nice. And you two are rich kid and poor kid."

"You're not going to even make an attempt on our names?" Jessie asked, not really relishing being called a 'poor kid'

"I couldn't think of any wild west people off hand. Let me try. You're Billy and Kid?"

"No!"

"Maude and March?"

"Absolutly not!"

"Boris and Natasha?"

"That's not even a wild west person!"

"I know, but your two groups are really similar."

"No they aren't!"

"Bob and McGraw? No, wait, now I remember-" She pointed at Jessie. "You're either Kiki or Beatrice."

"Wrong!"

"Oh, now I've got it! You're Lolly!"

"What?" James shouted. "How would you know about that?"

"Know about what?" Ash asked.

"Just a cousin. That's all."

"Who's Cousin Lolly?" Tracey asked.

"Oh, well, I guess I'll never guess. I'm Amypom, by the way. Now will you please tell me where Squeak and Mew are?"

"I think Mew went to that island with all the clones," Tracey said.

"I thought that was Mewtwo," Misty said.

James volunteered, "I was once held for ransom by some thugs, and two of them were called Squeak and Mew."

"Really?" Brock asked. "What happened?"

"Well, I escaped."

"How?" Ash asked, his curiosity perked.

"I whipped up some marshmallow foam and faked rabies. Those people sure were gullible."

"I bet your parents were glad that you escaped," Misty said.

"Are you kidding? By that time they had already paid the ransom, so my dad was mad that I didn't escape faster and my mom was mad that I didn't rescue Jessiebelle too."

"You were both kidnapped?" Jessie asked.

"Pretty much. But then, when the police caught the thugs trying to throw Jessiebelle off the bridge even though they'd received the ransom money, my parents apologized. I just wish the police had arrived a second later."

"That's mean," Misty said.

"What about my question?" Amypom demanded. "You know, Squeak and Mew, the two critters that travel with you?"

"Oh, you mean Pikachu and Meowth!" Ash said, recognition dawning. "They've been kidnapped."

Amypom tittered. "Too bad."

"Hey, how come you're talking?" Misty asked.

"Rich kid knows."

"No I don't!" James protested.

"You ought to. On a completely irrelevant topic, you and I have a lot in common. We both have purple hair."

"Oh, yeah, we have a _lot _in common."

"And we both had it made until we were driven away by a monster with a whip."

"Oh. Who drove you away?"

"You should know," Amypom repeated cryptically. "See you later, Burny and co.!"

"My name's not Burny!" Ash shouted.

"Whatever."

* * *

Tracey led the group through the rest of the forest, although maybe 'led' isn't the right word to describe walking in front of a group head bent intently over a sketchpad.

"One of these days a flaming meteor is going to hit you and you'll be too busy sketching it to notice," Misty said.

"That's silly," Tracey said.

A flaming meteor landed right in front of Tracey.

The boy dropped his sketchpad in terror and leapt into Misty's arms. Then, realizing what he'd just done, turned to face her and said, "You know what Pokémon Chronicles says about our relationship?"

Misty dumped him in the hole left by the meteor.

"Ouch!" Someone shouted. Midgard stood up. "What was that for?"

"Oops," Misty said. "I didn't notice- how'd you turn into a flaming meteor?"

"Do yourself a favor, kids, and don't marry a sorceress."

"Did you get Ekans?" Jessie asked.

"Are you kidding? The reason Freya sent me here was to get Koffing and Psyduck as well."

"Will you?" Brock asked.

"Of course not. You're too nice."

Jessie and Ash gave each other horrified looks.

"Either we're nice or Team Rocket's nice. It can't be both," Ash said.

"You're nice _people_. I wouldn't always say the same for the behavior you engage in; that goes for both of you." Midgard shook his head. "I should be getting back."

"Do you want to?" Brock asked.

"That's a silly question. Of course I don't want to go back! Why would I?"

"Because she's your wife?" Misty guessed.

"You actually think I wanted to marry her? That's a laugh."

"You could have run away," James said thoughtfully.

"I did. That's why we're in this dimension and not the one we were born in. It took her three days to find me, which is so fast it's ridiculous."

"If you move around more," Ash said, thinking of Pyra and Mara, "She might have more trouble finding you. Try running away again."

"No way. At the moment, she's so nearby that she can 'sense' me, in the way that only sorcerers can. If I run away now she'll know right off."

"Leave when she's away from home," Jessie offered.

"You don't know what you're saying. See the peak of the mountain? Way up there? Can you see the tiny black spec? That's a cabin. 99 percent of the time it's partially buried in snow, and the other 1 percent of the time the snow is so wet that the slightest noise causes a heavy avalanche. That's where I live." Midgard sighed. "I must have started a family curse or something, because my story keeps repeating throughout our family tree, except not as extreme."

"Huh?" Tracey asked, the point of his pencil snapping as he tried to draw the flaming meteor.

"It's a generational curse, which means that the curse only effects one person in each generation, and it only works on men; don't worry, James, I think the curse wore itself out before your generation. Well, anyway, in each generation there's always one man who loves a nice woman and is being sought after by a mean woman. He runs away, the mean woman finds him, she kills/transforms/sends away/erases the memory of the nice woman, and the man is forced to marry the mean woman and be her slave for the rest of his miserable life."

"That's _always _how it ends?" James asked.

"Always."

James fainted.

"What?" Midgard asked.

Ash explained about Jessiebelle.

"Oh. Oops."

"I thought you said you weren't completely ignorant!" Jessie shouted.

"Well everything I learned about you I learned from your website," Midgard said.

"They really have a website?" Ash said. "I always thought that was just a dumb joke*."

"It's too bad, really," Midgard said. "I thought the curse had worn itself out. No such luck, apparently."

"What do you care if the curse is over or not?" Jessie shouted. "You're already married and being a slave for your miserable life! You're not the one who's going to get killed/transformed/sent away!"

"Oh. Sorry again," Midgard said. "But don't worry about it too much. Only half the girls actually get killed; most of the remainder only get transformed or maimed for life. One generation the mean woman extended the life of the nice woman infinitely and gave her protection from almost anything."

"Really?" Jessie asked, skeptical.

"She turned her into a drop of water."

"Thanks. You just made me feel _soooo _much better," Jessie said sarcastically.

"Wait…" Misty said. "You said the curse is your story repeating. So… who were you in love with?"

Midgard glanced over his shoulder. "I'd better be going." He turned into a Rapidash again and ran off.

"I was just wondering!" Misty shouted after him.

"Don't bother with Anaconda," Amypom said, swinging down from a tree branch. "He's a grumpy-wumpy."

"His name is Midgard!" Everyone shouted.

"Grumpy-wumpy?" Ash asked. "Ah, who can fathom the stupidity of the juvenile mind?"

"Good, you admitted it," Misty said.

"Hey!" Ash shouted.

* * *

"Wow, isn't the view amazing?" Pyra asked her sister Mara, as the Fireonix they were riding cruised over the Mobian landscape.

"Yeah. I'm happy that you have a Fireonix now, although, don't you think that was a little selfish, asking your dad to go to another dimension just for a pet? And you know SEGA and Nintendo don't mix."

"It's not like I'm turning into Freya or anything. Dad wanted me to use it to take you places, although I doubt Ty or Sylvia will ever want to ride it, being the scaredy-cats they are. Plus, way up here, it's easy to look for trouble."

* * *

Funny they should mention that.

Midgard injected a few more Ditto cells into his blood stream. Maybe that would do it. He should test it.

How did Dittos transform anyway?

Maybe they thought hard about the animal they wanted to turn into.

If that _was _they way they did it, it wasn't working.

Midgard sighed, looking around the laboratory he'd set up in his basement. Now what, he wondered.

* * *

"You sure this is a good idea, Mew?" The scruffy rat scratched the side of his head, where his ear had used to be.

"Sure I'm sure, Squeak. The boss told us, it's all part of exterminating those awful creatures called humans. Give me the match," The tomcat demanded.

"Still, what if someone catches us?"

"So what? We're supported by nearly everyone in Mobius!"

"Except the eight chameleons. That's a big one."

"Who cares? They specifically said they didn't want to rule the planet. Besides, they can't object if they can't catch us. Okay, the wood's caught now. You _did _clip the alarm wires, right?"

"Of course. I'm not _that _incompetent."

"Then we can start running away."

* * *

Pyra's nose twitched like a rabbit's. "Something's on fire. Something large."

"I can't see it," Mara said.

"Hard left!" the fiery teenager shouted to her Fireonix.

The two sisters could see a house burning.

"Mara, you put out the fire. I'll see if anyone's inside." Pyra leapt to the ground, racing inside the building.

The house was covered in flames. It was a very good thing Pyra was immune to fire, she thought. Guiltily, she realized the heat felt awesome.

"Is anyone here?" She called out, racing through the hall.

She tried to ignore the crackling fire to hear if someone was calling. She could hear someone, very faintly, crying out, "Help! Help me!"

Thinking it came from upstairs, she ran up to the second story. There were four rooms, but three of them had collapsed floors. It reminded Pyra that she ought to be careful, because a fall from a high height would hurt her as much as it would hurt anyone else.

No one was in the fourth room. She hoped that it only meant she'd picked the wrong floor and not that she was too late.

She ran downstairs again, this time realizing the sound was coming from the basement. She found the door, blocked by flames, and flung it open.

Midgard was lying on the steps, too weak to move, his lungs filled with smoke.

Pyra lifted him up. Like all anthropomorphic animals, she was surprisingly strong for her size; and as a chameleon, she was especially small. But she managed. She was about to charge through the flames blocking the door when she remembered that although she was immune to fire, Midgard was not. She coughed, the smoke starting to affect her. It was like treading water; you may be capable of it, but at some point you just can't manage anymore.

Suddenly a spray of water from Mara extinguished the fire in front of her. Thanking God for saving her, Pyra ran out the front door, coughing like crazy. She collapsed outside the house.

* * *

"Pyra? Are you alright?"

Pyra awoke, finding herself cradled in her father Therm's arms. Therm was a red chameleon like her, and also like her, he was immune to fire. Unlike her, he never had trouble with smoke, and he could swim in lava without turning to ashes.

"I'm fine. I'm fine. Where is he? The man I saved?"

Therm helped her up. "Terr is taking care of him."

Terr was Therm's brother and Ty's father. He was a green chameleon, of the earth element, and therefore knew everything there was to know about healing herbs.

"So is he okay? The man, I mean, not Terr."

The fire chameleon looked serious. "Pyra… sometimes, when someone is injured, they just… don't wake up."

"Is that your way of telling me he's dead? It better not be; I hate when people beat around the bush like that."

"As do I. Pyra, in the hundred years that you've known me, have I ever talked to you like that?"

"Well… No."

"It's not my way of saying he's dead; it's my way of explaining a coma to you. Maybe he'll wake up… or maybe he'll die. Not ever Terr knows."

"I hope he's okay."

"Me too. Especially considering _why _someone set the house on fire."

"Why?"

"They did it because he was a human."

"_WHAT?_"

"I feel the same way."

"What's wrong with humans?"

"Well… some humans act like they own the world just because of what species they are. Some humans think that anthropomorphic animals are less intelligent than humans just because they're animals. I disagree with them, of course. But some animals take this to mean that all humans are bad, and that their species should be exterminated. I disagree with that just as much."

"Those despicable people!"

"I know."

"Dad?"

"Yes?"

"May I see him? The man, I mean? I don't even know his name…"

"Come."

* * *

Terr looked up from his herbs. "Pyra. I was wondering when you'd come."

"Is he going to die?"

"I couldn't really be sure… but I would have to say his condition is getting worse."

"So he is dying."

"Probably."

"Did I save him for nothing?" Pyra burst into tears.

"It's never for nothing."

Ty burst in, carrying a basket with more herbs in it. "Oh, hi Pyra! Nice to see you here!"

"Hello, Ty." Pyra sat down on a chair next to Midgard's bed.

"Have you seen Freya?"

"No."

"Good. Maybe I can actually go a day without seeing her."

"Ty!" Terr scolded.

"But, dad! She's freaky."

"Stop that. Yes, she's a brat, but you should put up with her as best as you can."

"Why should I? You complain to her father all the time!"

"_You _should put up with it, _I _should complain about it. Have I explained to your satisfaction?"

"Growl."

* * *

"Pyra!" Mara shouted. The blue chameleon entered the makeshift hospital, where Pyra was sitting watch, as she had been for the past four days, over Midgard.

"Pyra! Fireonix is going nuts without you!"

"You take care of it."

"You're his master! You help him!"

"I'm busy."

Mara gave her sister a long, hard look. "I liked you better before you went on a rescue mission."

"What can I say? I'm not a kid anymore."

"You told me-" Mara said the last words very softly- "You told me, that no matter what happened, we would always be the same kids we always are."

Pyra replied just as softly and even more slowly. "Well I can't keep that promise."

* * *

"What'd she say?" Ty asked Mara.

"She just said she wasn't a kid anymore."

"Hey! Look at this!" Velo, their brother, shouted. He was perched tentatively on top of Fireonix.

The fiery bird screeched as if in pain and bucked like a horse, throwing the gray chameleon off. Then he went back to hanging his head and pacing in circles.

"This is nuts!" The usually calm Cumulo exclaimed. His light blue scales shone in anger. "What's wrong with Pyra?"

Sylvia looked up from where she had taken refuge behind a bush. She was white, but she wore a black silk scarf around her neck. "She's grown up."

"All our parents are grown up," Velo pointed out. "You don't think something is wrong with them."

"But they're supposed to be! They're our parents!" the sensitive white chameleon burst into tears.

Ty just sighed deeply. "I'm going for a walk in the forest," He said. "Maybe I'll find some herbs."

* * *

Ty did find some herbs. He'd found a fine patch of Horsetail and was just checking this great mint patch he'd found earlier when a bright red berry was shoved into his hand. He panicked and dropped it, knowing that it was poisonous.

"Pick it back up. You'll need it," a cold, familiar voice said.

The green chameleon looked up, meeting the jade eyes of Freya. Even as a chameleon, she was a head taller than anyone of her species, and her scales shone a radiant purple.

"When you give that annoying person his medicine, slip the berry in."

"But that would kill him!"

"I know."

And then Ty realized what she was saying.

"You can't just kill someone!"

"Why not? For once, I'm not just thinking of myself. I'm thinking of Pyra."

"But… But…"

"And he'll probably die anyway. Even your father said so. Think of it as a mercy killing."

"No."

"What?"

"I said no! I won't! I shouldn't!"

"Who told you that you shouldn't? Your father? You're father's good with herbs, but sometimes he just doesn't understand that some things just have to be done. That's the problem with you earth elements; tender and giving, wanting to help everyone, but in the end one side must win. Sacrifices must be made."

Ty stared at the berry at his feet.

Slowly, ever so slowly, he picked it up.

* * *

Pyra woke up with a start. She hadn't even realized that she had fallen asleep. She looked at the man she had saved. "I don't even know you're name," She repeated for about the twentieth time that day.

Suddenly she heard a small voice.

"Midgard."

"Huh?"

"You said you didn't know my name."

Pyra stared into the deep blue eyes of the man. "You're awake," She breathed.

Midgard seemed to suddenly notice his surroundings. "Where am I?"

"You're where we live. Me and my siblings. Oh, and the eight chameleons, our parents. My father is Therm, and my sister Mara, my best friend in the whole world, is Quatic's daughter."

"I thought you said you were siblings."

"Well, technically we're cousins, but we treat each other like we're all sisters and brothers. Well, except for Freya. She treats us like we're her deadly enemies."

"So apparently she treats you more like a sister than Mara does."

Pyra laughed. "I would hope not. She's hideous!"

Suddenly Ty walked in, clutching something small in one hand and a basket of herbs in the other.

"Hi!" Pyra called jovially. "Guess what? The man I rescued, maybe he won't die after all!"

"My names Midgard. What's yours?"

"I'm Ty," The green chameleon said nervously, backing away as though preparing to run.

"Nice herbs you've got," Midgard continued. "I took a course in biology, once."

"You like science?" Ty asked, slowing down. The young reptile was a science fanatic, if there was such a thing.

"I _love _science. I can't remember all the courses I took on it, and I have my own lab set up in my basement."

Pyra frowned suddenly. "Actually, your house-"

"Maybe the two of us could do science experiments some time," Midgard said.

Ty smiled, dropping the small object in one hand into the trash.

"Midgard… I hate to be the one to break it to you…" Pyra sighed. "Your house burned to the ground."

The man's smile disappeared. "Oh," He said softly.

The door flew open again, and Mara walked stiffly in. "Pyra, you're Fireonix is going nuts; we need-" she noticed Midgard. "Oh. You're awake." Mara didn't sound ecstatic, but she didn't sound unhappy either. It was just another fact that she knew.

"You have a Fireonix? As in the Pokémon?" Midgard sat up. "May I see it?"

Pyra smiled. "Sure. I'll bring him in."

Not five seconds after the three chameleons had left, the door banged open again, this time revealing a beautiful purple chameleon with piercing jade eyes. "Oh, good, you woke up!" She said excitedly. "I told Pyra to tell me when you did, but in the excitement she must have forgotten. What's your name?"

"Midgard."

"Lovely name. Like the giant serpent in Norse mythology that circles the earth and is prophesied to destroy the thunder god at the end of time."

"I sort of picked the name because I like snakes."

"Oh." Freya (for that's who she was) seemed disappointed for a second. Then she launched into more questions. To Midgard, she seemed to be trying too hard, but he answered the questions nicely anyway, asking a few of his own.

Suddenly Pyra, along with all her other siblings who had been curious, came back in. When she saw her sister Freya, she blew up. "What are you doing here? Can't you just leave a guy in peace for one second?"

"I have as much right to be here as you do," Freya snarled back.

"No, you don't," Pyra lied.

Freya did not reply but moved toward the door.

"Nice Fireonix," Midgard said, hoping to change the topic. "I'm fascinated with Pokémon, especially Dittos. I would love to be able to transform into other creatures like them."

Freya's eyes glinted. "Maybe I could arrange that." She started toward Midgard, hands raised, a faint green glow lingering near them.

"I can't look!" Ty shouted suddenly, hiding behind Velo.

Midgard wondered if he should be scared.

Finally Freya fired the light green energy. It was not like a sudden laser beam; it was gentler and slow, even thoughtful, almost. At last it was done.

"There. Try it."

Midgard sat up. A few seconds later he turned into a Fireonix much like the one standing by Pyra.

Freya snarled. "I assume you chose a Fireonix because you had a reference point, right?"

But Midgard wasn't paying attention. He was trying to fly, but the most he could manage was hopping up and down. Then he fell off the bed.

"What good is a Fireonix that can't fly?" Cumulo asked.

"It can still shoot out fire," Pyra said.

"Woo-hoo," Velo said sarcastically.

"I just don't get it," Midgard said, turning back.

"Don't you want to hear the conditions on which the spell works?" Freya asked. "You can't transform longer than your personal energy store will allow you to; the Ditto blood you were experimenting with is necessary for the spell to work; you have-"

"Knock it off," Pyra commanded. "Can you change your appearance?"

Midgard spent the next five minutes morphing between different looks, with everyone making comments like, "That nose is too big," "Try that hairstyle with the color of hair from your last transformation," and, "I like that look. Make it permanent."

"He can't," the purple sorceress said.

"Too bad," Cumulo sighed. "It looks real good."

"Well I'm not planning on changing my appearance permanently any time soon."

"Can you turn into a girl?" Sylvia asked.

Midgard blushed. "I'd rather not try, thank you."

* * *

"Otem!" Terr shouted, walking into the purple chameleon's workshop. "Otem! I want a word about your daughter!"

Otem looked up from the robot he was working on. "If all you're going to do is yell at her for practicing sorcery, forget it."

"I wasn't going to, but I still feel she should work on her Chaos abilities more; she has such great potential."

"Let her go."

"Fine; I'm not here to talk about that anyway. Ty's scared of her."

"Ty's scared of everything."

"I mean _really _scared. He's always hiding from her and shivering whenever I mention her name. And we do know that Freya is reckless, not considering the consequences of her actions. In fact…" Terr pulled out a small, red berry. "I found this in the trash in the hospital."

Otem looked at the delicious-looking berry. He had not been listening carefully. "Thank you. I missed my snack." He threw the berry to his mouth.

"No!" The green chameleon dived for it. "You idiot! This is a deathberry! Plus, it's been in the trash, remember?"

"Oh." Otem said, slightly embarrassed. "What about it?"

"Oh, just a hunch, but I can't think of a reason it would be in the trash at all except that _someone _wanted to kill a person."

That was the wrong thing to say. Although Freya had her father beat for height, she had a long way to go to beat him in brawn.

"ARE YOU SUGGESTING MY DAUGHTER IS A KILLER?" Otem thundered.

"Just… thinking… See you later!" Terr squeaked, retreating.

* * *

"Look over there!" Velo shouted, pointing to a large flat rock by the river. "That would be a good place for our picnic!"

"Do you think Freya will find us?" Ty asked, shivering.

"I hope not!" Pyra said. "She really gets on my nerves."

"I know," Midgard said, sitting down. "She seems almost too interested is me; she keeps asking if I can turn into a crocodile, or a dragon, or another dangerous creature." He shrugged and started unpacking the picnic basket.

"Wow," Cumulo said, admiring the spread of food. "You made all this?"

"Pretty much," Midgard said, blushing.

"Yum!" Sylvia cried, opening a container. "Carmel fudge brownies! Our favorite!"

"I know."

"You would make a great cook," Pyra said. Then, softer, "For a family."

Midgard looked into Pyra's eyes, deep blue like his. "I would like that."

"So would I," Freya said. "Who planned a picnic and forgot to invite me?"

The cheery mood was spoiled.

"It doesn't matter. What matters is that now I'm here." She looked pointedly at Midgard. "Somehow, I get the feeling you aren't happy to see me."

"No! No! Don't think that!" Midgard shouted. He wanted to turn into an ant and hide under a rock.

Freya smiled. "No need to feel shy. I understand." She patted Midgard's hand.

* * *

"So when are you going to ask Father?" Pyra asked Midgard later as they walked home alone. "You know, I mean… well, obviously I like you, and you like me… and if you wait too long, you'll die and I'll be miserable for the rest of my never-ending life!" Pyra concluded.

"Okay, fine, you win. I'll talk to Therm." Midgard said.

* * *

"I still think something needs to be done about you're daughter," Terr told Otem.

"Yes," Therm agreed. "She's out of control."

"There is nothing wrong with my daughter. She's my little angel."

Suddenly Freya ran up, dragging Midgard by the hand. "Midgard has something to ask you," She announced, then sat back expectantly.

"Well…" Midgard said, looking at his shoes. "There's this special girl… I mean, woman… that I love, and she loves me, and, well…" This wasn't how it was supposed to be working.

"Don't worry," Otem said. "We understand completely."

"You do?"

"Yes," the purple chameleon continued. "I was having doubts that anyone could be perfect enough, but I think you're just right. If you want to marry my daughter, so be it!"

"But-" Midgard started, but broke off as Freya embraced him.

"Don't worry," she hissed in his ear. "I know you're shy, but it'll work out for the best as long as you _keep you mouth shut!_"

* * *

"How could he?" Pyra cried. "How could this happen? How could Freya be so cruel?"

Mara just sat next to her, letting her sob.

Sylvia stood in the corner, shaking her head.

"It's so ironic," Ty said. "She went straight from wanting to kill Midgard to marrying him!"

"WHAT?" Everyone shouted.

"That day- the day Midgard woke up- she wanted me to- to- to put a deadly poisonous berry in his medicine- she called it a mercy killing."

"Oh, Ty, why didn't you tell us?" Mara asked.

"Freya would have killed me! Literally!"

"Midgard could be in danger!" Pyra shouted. She ran all the way to Midgard's bedroom, throwing the door open.

The room was empty.

* * *

"The servers are the seven Chaos…" The eight chameleons chanted. It was the full moon, the time when the executed a sort of ceremony, a testimony to the power of Chaos, and a time to give thanks to God for them.

Therm glanced over his shoulder at the emerald shrine, a masterpiece for the ancient times they lived in. Seven pillars held seven of the eight emeralds, and the eighth one, the white emerald, was perched on the roof. Countless times he had asked Illyra, the icy white chameleon, why her emerald got to sit in the center. She had answered that the shrine was her idea, and so her emerald had gotten the place of honor. Then Illyra's daughter, Sylvia, would always giggle in a knowing way.

"…the controller serves to unify the Chaos," they finished. Then they moved into a hymn that had become their anthem, in a sense.

_I will never be the same again,_

_I can never return,_

_I've closed the door._

_I will walk the path,_

_I'll run the race,_

_And I will never be the same again._

Suddenly Illyra screamed. "Where's my emerald?" She shouted.

Everyone stopped paying attention to the singing and looked up. The white Chaos Emerald, the ice emerald, had vanished.

Illumin, the glowing yellow chameleon, raised her arms, creating a bright light that illuminated the shrine.

And- had Therm imagined it? - Freya could be seen, running off with the stolen gem.

* * *

Freya panted, stopping on top of a hill that gave her a view of both the shrine behind her and their house in front of her. She looked at Illyra's Chaos Emerald. It had been a long time since she'd used Chaos energy instead of magic; magic was so much easier. Although Chaos was a form of magic, in a sense, it could not transform into anything, and would always be energy. The trick was to use it.

Raising the emerald, Freya shouted out,

"**CHAOS INFERNO!"**

**

* * *

**

"Midgard's gone!" Pyra shouted unnecessarily. "We have to find him! Or Freya!"

"The door's locked!" Velo shouted. "They're all locked! The windows too!"

"Unlock them!" Andice, Illumin's daughter, shouted.

"I can't! They're either locked from the outside, or Freya…"

"Locked them with magic," Pyra finished. "Quick! To the armory!"

Nobody in the chameleon family used weapons much, and they never used armor. Still, everyone had their own special weapon. Therm had a sword of pure flame. Illyra preferred a quarterstaff tipped with freezing crystals.

And Pyra and Mara had giant battle axes. It was a wonder they could lift them.

Pyra heaved the silvery weapon onto her shoulder. "Come on, Mara!"

"Ready!" Mara shouted. "We'll break out of here in no-"

She got no further.

An enormous explosion of Chaos energy shattered everything to pieces, destroying the only home they'd ever known.

* * *

Freya blinked, maintaining her expression of complete indifference as her house burst into flame. Then she pulled a note out of her pocket. She'd taken it from Midgard's door.

Dearest Pyra,

I've run away to a different dimension so that Freya can't find me. Don't come looking for me. Trust that this will work out for the best.

Forever yours,

_Midgard_

Freya smiled. She had a pretty good guess of where Midgard was. Once more she raised the Chaos Emerald.

"Chaos Control!"

As the energy created a dimensional portal, Freya tweaked the energy slightly so that she would become a human when she went through the portal and not a Kekleon or anything like that. Then she stepped through into another world.

* * *

"Which way did Freya go?" Therm asked.

"Well, Otem? How are you going to defend your daughter now?" Terr asked.

"I thought you wanted her to practice Chaos!"

Suddenly, all of them felt a sudden surge of Chaos energy. Without a word to each other, they took off, toward their house.

Therm reached the house first, dreading what he would find.

He'd been right to dread it.

All he found were smoldering ashes.

Overcome with emotion, the red chameleon buried his face in his hands.

His only daughter.

Gone forever.

* * *

Midgard trailed his fingers in the river nearby, enjoying his freedom. It had been three days since he'd ran away, and he missed Pyra terribly, but he reminded himself that it was all for the best. At least he would never see Freya again, he thought.

There was a crackle of bushes behind him. Freya stepped out. She was a human now, with short purple hair and a form-hugging purple dress and a thick circlet on her head with a jade stone in front to match her eyes, but Midgard knew her. Somewhere inside, he just _knew _her.

"Hello. Happy to see me? Now we can go on with the marriage as we planned. Oh, and don't worry about Pyra. She won't wreck this happy occasion. I've taken care of her."

Midgard gave her a horrified look. "You mean you-"

"Yes. She's dead. And unless you want to join her…" Freya pulled out a marriage certificate. "Sign here."

Midgard stared at the blank for the husband to sign his name. He took the contract and pen from Freya, writing busily. After a minute, he gave it back.

Freya looked at Midgard's signature. Perfectly legitimate. She smiled and grabbed her husband's hand. "And don't worry. I've brought a Chaos Emerald. That's why my family and I live so long, you know. Chaos energy. Come on. And begin your new life."

* * *

Pikachu bent his head intently over the small bowl of Poképellets that was for their dinner. He couldn't remember having worked so hard before- not that he could remember much.

Charmander slid beside him. "Char Charmander Char? (What were you doing)?" He asked.

"Pika, Pik Pikachu Pika. (Mixing that perfume for those sprayers)," Pikachu moaned.

"Squirtle Squirtle, Squirtle, Squirtle. (Better than running around with green balls, I say)."

"Meowth Meow, Meowth Meowth. (Wonder what those are for)," Meowth said, sitting by them.

Pikachu stared at him.

"Meowth? (What?)" Meowth asked.

"Pika… Pikachu… Pika Pik, Pikachu… (Just… Your voice… something sounds wrong…)"

"Ekans Ekans… Ekans. (Now that you mention it… it does.)"

"Charmander Char, Charmander? (Maybe it used to be higher pitched?)"

"Squirtle. (Probably.)"

Nearby, Freya listened to their chatter intently, wondering what they were saying. Midgard would know, of course. But he wasn't here at the moment.

Scratch that, she thought, as she saw a Rapidash pull to a stop outside the window. She threw the window open. "So. Do you have the Koffing and Psyduck?"

"No."

"And why? No, let me guess. You've made friends with them, right? When will you give up?" Freya shook her head. "I noticed the homing meteor didn't fly very far. Does that mean they're coming here?"

"No."

"Good. I'll look forward to seeing them." The wicked sorceress smiled. "Things are about to get interesting."

* * *

*Reference to James' comment "Why don't you check out our website?" in _Pikachu's Goodbye_.


	4. Step 3

**Step Three: Fail Miserably**

**Or: Fire, Ice, and a Whole Lotta Water**

Firecon twisted her head, trying to reach the lock in the hopes she might be able to pick it. She was determined to escape.

Suddenly the door opened.

"I still think you're a hideous creep, Freya!" Firecon shouted.

"I'm not Freya," Midgard said. "I'm her husband, Midgard."

"Midgard… I think I heard that name before, somewhere…" The fiery bird mused.

"Maybe. Look, Freya removed the spell on the basket she was using to capture Pokémon, so Pokémon put in to it can come out if they want, but it still holds whatever you put in it. Load your friends up and fly away. Ash, Misty, Brock, Tracey, Jessie, and James are just down the mountain. Tell them to go away."

"Why?"

"The _real _reason is because it's dangerous, but if you tell them that they'll probably want to go all the more. Tell them I managed to rescue their Pokémon and that there's no reason to come all the way here."

"What about the other Pokémon Freya captured?"

"They'll be fine. Freya won't kill them, at least on my watch."

"But what about their owners? Those Pokémon don't belong to Freya."

"Fine. Be stubborn! Get yourself and your friends killed! What do I care? Nothing! That's what!" Midgard unlocked the cage and gave her the basket Freya (AKA Ayerf) had been using to collect Pokémon earlier. "But you won't be able to rescue all the Pokémon at the moment. My wife also removed the spell that makes the basket weigh the same as an empty basket; it will feel like you're carrying whatever you put it at half of its weight."

"I'll keep that in mind. See you later."

Firecon flew into the dining room, where everyone looked in amazement at the fiery bird. She made a landing on the table where Ash, Misty, Brock, Tracey, and Jessie's Pokémon were sitting.

"Hey guys! We're going to get out of here!"

Pikachu looked at her, puzzled. "Pikachu chu? (Do I know you?)"

"Yes you know me! I'm Firecon!"

Starmie and Staryu would have exchanged amused smiles had they been able to.

"Goldeen Goldeen? (Are you alright?)"

"Squirtle. (Not likely.)"

"Geodude, dude. (Off her rocker.)"

"Meowth. (Insane.)"

"Meowth?" Firecon asked. "You don't talk anymore?"

"Me-e-e-e-owth! (I am too talking!)"

In a rage, Firecon torched the nearest perfume sprayer. "Now do you remember anything?"

Pikachu blinked. "Pika… Pikachu… Pi! Pikachu, chu pika! (Not really… wait! My master, I want my master!)"

"Climb in then!" Firecon shouted.

* * *

"So have you remembered why I can talk yet?" Amypom asked James.

"Why would I? I've never met you before in my life!"

"You don't have to meet someone to know something about them. You don't even have to know someone exists to know something about them. You know more about me than you think."

"You're crazy," said Tracey.

"Hear the pot call the kettle black!" Misty said.

"Do you even know which mountain this is?" Amypom asked.

"No," everyone said in unison.

"Falkniss Mountain, more commonly and appropriately known as-"

"Look!" Brock shouted suddenly.

Everyone turned to look.

"Oh… nice cliff…" Ash said, confused.

"You missed it," Brock said.

"Missed what?" Misty said. She had a bad feeling about this.

"Just a beautiful woman. That's all. But, oh! She was gorgeous… even if she was transparent."

"Does Maiden's Peak mean anything to you?" Misty demanded. "You can't just go falling in love with every semi-pretty girl you see and expect to-"

"There!" Tracey shouted.

Everyone turned to look. Again.

"Oh, wow…" Misty said, all objections silenced.

The woman Brock had seen was far more than semi-pretty. She had long purple hair, like the ghost of Maiden's Peak, and a thick gold circlet, like Freya, except the gem in the front was a fiery red. She wore a long, green dress decorated with tiny sapphires. She had deep blue eyes and her pleasantly pink lips curved in a warm smile. Her skin was flawless. She seemed unreal, partly because of the fact you could see through her and partly because she was so beautiful.

An instant later, she vanished.

"Don't go nuts on me!" Misty shouted, breaking the awed silence that had followed the woman's departure.

"Huh?" Brock said.

"Just… don't. Just don't."

"Oh. O…K…" Brock said, not understanding.

"Hello? What about me!" Amypom shouted.

"What about you?" Tracey said dreamily.

"I was about to make a dramatic revelation and you ruined it!" Amypom said. "You still don't know which mountain this is!"

"You said it was Falkniss," Jessie said.

"Officially, yes. Technically, no. This-" Amypom made a dramatic gesture- "-is Monster Mountain, home of dragons, demons, mad scientists, talking Pokémon, barbaric tribes, crazed sorceresses, giants, venomous bats, mysterious gemstones-"

"-vampires and Dementors," James finished.

"See? I told you," Amypom said.

"What's a Dementor?" Ash asked.

"Don't you read Harry Potter?" Misty asked. "They're strange cloaked creatures that eat happiness, which you would think would make them bright and cheery, but it doesn't. They say the worst thing they can do to you is to suck out your soul."

"Cool," Tracey said.

"No, horrible," James said.

"Why?" Tracey asked.

"Oh, by the way, I found this in case you needed your memory jogged, rich kid," Amypom said, placing a tape recorder on the ground. "But you can't listen to it right now; you'd better duck."

"Duck?" Ash asked, but Brock grabbed him by the collar and pulled him to the ground. A large ball of green fire zoomed over their heads.

"Help!" Tracey said. "I'm too young and good-looking to die!"

"Shut up!" Brock shouted. "I don't think we're the ones they're firing at."

"He's right," Misty said. "Most of the missiles are pointed at the sky."

Everyone looked up.

"It's Firecon!" Tracey shouted.

* * *

"Augh!" Meowth shouted as a gleaming ball of fire just missed the basket. "Steer better!"

"I'm trying!" Firecon shouted, her wings whirring like crazy. All of Ash's, Misty's, Brock's, Tracey's, Jessie's and James' Pokémon were in the basket, but it looked like only Pikachu and Meowth were, because they were the only ones sticking their heads out.

Several more balls of fire flew past.

"I don't know if I can-" Firecon broke off as a shot fired from Quarr's staff hit her, turning her into stone.

"AUGH!"

"PIKA!"

The basket, with the stone bird still holding on, plummeted toward earth.

* * *

"Who told you to stop firing?" Freya asked her two assistants.

"But I hit the bird! They can't possibly survive that fall!" Quarr shouted.

"You'd be surprised what can happen to people with point-five-meter luck! Or centimeter luck!"

"What?" said Venerra.

"Nothing. Just keep up those fireballs!"

* * *

"Firecon!" Tracey shouted, running to catch her.

"Pikachu!" Ash said, running forward with the same intentions.

Brock started to run, but then he realized the beautiful woman standing nearby. She was still smiling.

Brock froze, mesmerized by her beauty.

"Ha!" Amypom shouted suddenly. "I caught Squeak and Me-ew! I caught Squeak and Me-ew!"

"Stop swinging the basket!" Meowth said.

The stone bird, meanwhile, landed safely in Tracey's arms.

"Oh, Firecon…" He said.

"Here, catch!" Misty said, throwing the Akku Amulet to him.

Suddenly the amulet glowed green and changed course- right into Freya's grasp.

"Oh, thank you!" She said, catching it. "You're too kind."

"Stop it!" Midgard shouted, running up out of nowhere. "Put that amulet down or I'll… I'll…"

"You'll what?" Freya asked. "Admit it. You don't have the nerve."

Midgard sighed. She was right, as usual.

Freya held the medallion high. "And now I will destroy you!" She fired the amulet at Firecon.

"AWK- huh?" Firecon said.

"Huh?" Said everyone else.

"Idiot!" Venerra told Freya. "What was that for?"

Freya looked puzzled, shaking the amulet.

Midgard laughed.

"It's not funny!" Freya said. "Your amulet isn't working!"

"On the contrary, it worked perfectly!" Midgard said, collapsing in helpless laughter.

"No, the Coyla Amulet is supposed to kill people…"

"That's not the Coyla Amulet," Misty said. "It's the Akku Amulet."

"I know. Isn't that-?"

"You see," Midgard said, "When you asked me to make a magical amulet that could kill people… well, naturally you had me worried there, so I also made three more amulets, one to cast various spells, one to undo magic spells, and one that would restore any magic spells previously placed on the victim just in case I accidentally used the last amulet on myself. And, on a whim, I made them all identical and called them all Akku Amulets, but each one has a sub-title- like the amulet you're referring to is the Coyla Amulet, the one you're holding is the Unda Amulet, etcetera."

"Why would an amulet that kills people have you worried?" Freya asked. "You know I wouldn't use it on you. You're too valu- good."

Midgard glared at her, and then said in a mocking, high pitched voice, "I think we have too many kids. Can you make me an amulet that can kill people?"

"That's horrible!" Misty said, then, noticing Brock staring enchantedly at the beautiful ghost, waved her hand in front of Brock's face.

"Huh what where who?" Brock said, turning to look at Misty.

"Just… don't!" Misty shouted.

Suddenly the gem on Freya's crown started flashing. The goddess wannabe yanked the circlet off and stared at the jade stone. "Of all the times!" She shouted in frustration. She raised one hand, firing green light at the sky. A large green shield formed over them like a large tent.

"Make sure nobody leaves," Freya told Venerra and Quarr. "Not even my husband. I'll be back once the council dismisses."

Then she vanished in her trademarked blaze of white light.

The magical couple and Team Rocket noticed each other for the first time.

"Who are you?" Venerra asked. "And what are you doing here?"

"Distant relatives," Midgard said. "Jessie, James, meet Venerra the sorceress and Quarr the mage."

"Whaddaboutme?" Meowth shouted, jumping out of the basket.

"Oh, and this is Meowth. Wait, that is your name, right?" Midgard asked.

"Yes! What else could it be?"

"Talking Pokémon often adopt a name for themselves, something similar to their species name."

"No one ever told me that!"

"Or me," Said Firecon.

"Well, hello. Are you here to help?" Quarr asked.

"Heck no!" Jessie shouted.

"A simple 'no' would have sufficed!" Quarr shouted back.

"You're a mage?" Misty said. "What's the difference between a mage and a sorcerer?"

"Sorcerers know hundreds of spells. Mages only know one or two. However, mages' spells tend to be immensely powerful," Venerra said. "And, as you know, the difference between wizards and sorcerers is that wizards need wands and potions to do most of their magic and can only do a few pre-programmed spells, if you will, whereas sorcerers posses far superior magic that does anything so long as you have enough magic and enough imagination."

"I didn't know that," Ash said.

"I wouldn't say your magic is far superior," Misty said.

"I would!" Venerra shouted. "Wizards only know one killing spell, whereas we can-"

"She only says that because sorcerers and wizards are bitter enemies," Midgard said.

"Why?" Tracey asked, drawing who-knows-what in his sketchpad.

"No idea," Midgard said. "But I do know there was once a bitter war fought between wizards and sorcerers. It went on across the dimensions. That's how I lost the Akku Amulets; some extremely vengeful wizard blew my house up because General Freya killed his son."

"It's hard to imagine Freya a general," Brock said.

"I know. It was supposed to be the final war between the two races, but Dumbledore's great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather and General Diana drew up a treaty, which was accepted readily because everyone was tired of warring on."

"Who's Diana? Some other wicked sorceress?" James asked, dreading the answer.

"Actually, she's really nice and sensible; she takes after her father. Unfortunately, she doesn't live in this dimension; otherwise she'd probably stop Freya from doing anything."

"Who's her father?" Jessie asked.

"Me."

"I wonder what they're discussing in Sorcerer Council," Venerra said. "Sorcerer Council is where the most powerful sorcerer in each dimension get together to discuss important matters." She looked at Jessie and James. "You know, the best colors for magic are red, blue, white, and black. You'd be perfect; I mean, as opposed to little-red-haired-girl-what's-her-name and her friend with the hat."

"Perfect for what?" Jessie asked.

"I still think Brock is better looking than any males here," Quarr said. "Including me and Midgard."

"Hey!" Ash, Tracey, James, and Midgard.

"You are so stubborn!" Venerra shouted. "You have a perfect candidate right here and you have to think about something as trivial as good looks!"

Quarr crossed his arms, a stern expression on his face.

"Where Sian?" Misty asked, trying to distract them.

"Took off with some other Pokémon," Quarr said.

Meanwhile, Amypom was pulling out various Pokémon from the basket and setting them on the ground.

"Hey!" Misty said. "There are no trees or anything that your tail's wrapped around! What are you hanging from now?"

"The top of the screen, of course. See you, Burny and co!" She swung up out of sight as though she were back in the trees swinging up through the foliage.

"MY NAME ISN'T BURNY!" Ash shouted.

"Hey! Where'd she go?" Venerra asked.

"Who cares?" Quarr asked.

"Freya said-"

"What would she want with a little Aipom?" Quarr said. "I don't think she even knew who she was!"

"Hey, now that we have a moment, let's listen to the tape recorder Amypom gave us." Tracey pressed the play button. The machine made a strange whirring noise.

"The tape wasn't rewound," Brock said, pressing the rewind button.

"Wonder what it is," Ash said.

There was a click as the rewind button popped up.

"Okay, let's listen." Brock pressed the play button again.

* * *

A young, feminine voice said, "Hello, this is the Chloe show, with your host, Chloe Stevenson, recording live from… what's this mountain called again?"

"Monster Mountain," said another female voice, this one younger and not as high pitched.

"Recording live from Monster Mount- hey, that's not funny!"

"You're right; it's not," a voice that, despite the youthful sound, could only have been James', said. "It's true."

"Says who?" said yet another girl's voice, this one low pitched and haughty.

"Says Vixen. She's the girl next door, and she _lives _here. All alone." Young James said.

"She's probably pulling your leg," the haughty voice said. "Furthermore, I think this should be called the Amber show, don't you? With all the latest fashion tips!"

"But _I _found it!" a whiny male voice shouted. "And I don't want to waste the tape on fashion tips!"

"Let's make up a wrestling broadcast or something!" yet another voice, this one male and tough, shouted. "It'll be the Colton and Quincy show!"

"Not _just _wrestling broadcasts!" the whiny voice added. "I could also explain quantum-mechanics or something."

"Since when could you explain quantum-mechanics?" another unmistakable voice, this one Jessiebelle's, asked. "If anything, I think it should be called the Jessiebelle show, don't you?"

For about five seconds, everything was silent. Then Young James asked, "Why can't we name it something that isn't someone's name and make it everyone's show?"

"Or we could name it everyone's name," the voice that had said it was Monster Mountain said. "Like, 'The Laura-Quincy-Colton-Chloe-Amber-Jessiebelle-James Show'!"

"Or, 'The Quincy-Colton-Laura-Amber-Chloe-Jessiebelle-James Show'!"

"Or, 'The Colton-Quincy-Laura-Amber-Chloe-James-Jessiebelle Show'!"

"Or, 'The Chloe-James-Jessiebelle-Amber-Laura-Quincy-Colton Show'!"

"You put James before me! Some friend you are!" There was a crack of Jessiebelle's whip.

"One must follow one's heart! Ouch!"

"What about 'The Amber-Jessiebelle-Colton-Quincy-Chloe-Laura-James Show'!"

"_I _think it should be called the Jessiebelle-Amber-Chloe-Quincy-Colton-Laura-James Show and that is _final!_"

"What about me?" another female voice, this one lower than all the others, asked. "Can I be in the show too?"

"It's for relatives only," Jessiebelle said.

"Wah! I can't be in the show!" the girl that must have been Chloe whined.

"Chloe and I aren't related to anyone here," the girl that could have been Amber pointed out.

"So can I be in the show or not?" the lower voice asked. "I can tell great stories."

"Fine," Jessiebelle said grudgingly. "But I get to do the opening. Welcome to the Jessiebelle-Amber-Chloe-Colton-Quincy-Laura-Vixen-James Show. I'm one of eight hosts but definitely the best looking among them. We're reporting live from _Falkniss _Mountain despite any claims to the contrary saying this is Monster Mountain. Now over to Colton with a sports report."

"Thank you, Jessiebelle," The tough voice that must have been Colton said. "Currently no sports have taken place other than a violent race to James that took place earlier this morning. Laura got a head start, which was so obviously unfair that Colton reserved the right to wrestle her to the ground; however the Evil Mother broke up the fight just as it was getting good. That's all."

"And now over to Amber with today's beauty tips."

"Thank you, Jessiebelle. Today we're going to talk about split ends…"

The gang suffered through Quincy's quantum-mechanics discussion, Chloe's Knip Care and Crush Assistance, and Laura's description of the scenery.

"And now, we'll have Vixen tell us her little fairy tale about why this is called Monster Mountain."

"Thank you, Jessiebelle," the lower voice said. She talked about Venobats, dragons, and every threat that had ever been encountered on the mountain.

"Thank you for tuning in to the Jessiebelle-Amber-Chloe-Colton-Quincy-Laura-Vixen-James Show. This is Jessiebelle signing off."

"Wait! What about my turn?" Young James shouted.

"You want a turn? Fine! Now we go to James on how to scream like a little girl!" There were loud whip-cracking sounds, as well as some screaming. The title was accurate.

The tape recorder paused.

* * *

"That's cruelty!" Misty shouted. "I thought she'd only harassed you as an adult!"

"If that was true, would I have refused to marry her?" James asked.

* * *

"Hello, this is the Jessiebelle-Amber-Chloe-Colton-Quincy-Laura-Vixen-James Show, minus Quincy because-"

"Because James murdered Quincy!" The still-to-be-identified girl who probably was Laura screamed.

"You actually think James is smart enough to murder someone?" Amber asked.

Jessiebelle continued, "This morning, at time-that-Colton-woke-up o'clock, young Quincy what's-his-last-name was discovered dead with a bullet through his heart, and the only suspect that actually is known by any of us is everyone's least favorite person-"

"I didn't do it!" Young James shouted.

"Prove it!" Laura shouted.

Chloe screamed like a dying poodle.

"Hey, what's up?" Vixen asked.

"James murdered my brother!" Colton shouted.

"Literally? Or is that just wrestling talk?"

"Really and truly!" Laura shouted. "It was completely terrifying!"

"How do you know it was James? What evidence do you have?"

"The gun was under his bed!" Chloe shouted.

"So if you're so sure he did it… why are you still standing next to him?" Vixen said coolly.

Dead silence.

"Cut it out!" James shouted.

"What I meant was, why isn't James in jail?" Vixen said.

"Because grown-ups are dense," Chloe said.

"Because not everyone is convinced," Amber said. "Really, do you think James is smart enough to do something like that? And where'd the gun come from anyway?"

There was the sound of rustling candy bars. "Sorry. Snack attack," Laura said.

"Well," Vixen said, "Since you're all nice and freaked out anyway, how about I tell you a really scary story?"

"I don't think you could scare me any worse than I'm scared right now," Colton said.

"Me either," Chloe said.

"Me either," Laura agreed.

"Nothing scares me," Jessiebelle said.

"Same here," Amber said nervously.

"Help?" Young James said.

"How about a dare?" Vixen said. "If I don't scare all of you, you get to push me in the lake."

"How about something worse than that?" Amber said. "That's nothing. It's summertime and everyone should be swimming anyway. How about we get to take you out in the motorboat and dump you out?"

"Well… it's all the same to me," Vixen said. "I don't swim."

"Okay then," Jessiebelle said. "Tell us your scary story."

There was about fifteen seconds of silence. Then Vixen launched into her story.

"Imagine a long, grey, tattered cloak, so shredded it looks fringed. Imagine a large grey hood. You don't know what it's hiding, but you know that it can be nothing good. Imagine feeling so cold, so sad, that you'll never be happy again. Imagine every unhappy memory, happening again all at once, ten times as horrible as you remembered. Imagine sickly green, bony hands, reaching out from under the cloak. When you see them, you know you must be facing… a Dementor! Then bony hands take you by the shoulder, lifting you closer to its face… it lowers the hood and leans closer… to… suck out your soul!"

All of a sudden, Amber yelled, "That's all you could come up with? Stealing someone's soul? What kind of a dumb thing to do is that? Well, now I can confidently say I was not scared one bit, and that if this Dementor creature _does _exist, it must be the most pathetic, wimpiest, most babyish-"

"AMBER! BEHIND YOU!" Chloe screamed.

Loud screams. Then, suddenly, horrified silence, and a soft sucking sound, like a vacuum cleaner.

* * *

"What?" Tracey asked.

"Dementor," James said.

* * *

"Kids?" a woman's voice called. "Is there a problem? I heard you screaming."

"Oh, it was horrible!" Laura started sobbing.

Chloe half shrieked, half cried, "Vixen was just telling us a story and-"

"Vixen!" the woman shouted. "That isn't very nice. Don't tell them scary stories when they're already so scared after this morning."

"But-" Vixen started.

"Well, as long as you're here, Vixen, you might as well stay for lunch. Come on, everyone, and help me set the table."

* * *

"Interesting drama," Misty said. "You're good actors."

"What? We weren't-"

The tape recorder cut James off.

* * *

"We're here with the Jessiebelle-Amber-Chloe-Colton-Quincy-Laura-Vixen-James Show, and Laura just grabbed a bottle cap James was planning on collecting and took off," Jessiebelle said. "And they aren't running properly either. Over to Colton."

"Thank you, Jessiebelle."

* * *

"I don't remember this part," James said.

* * *

"Laura's heading for the forest… James dove in after her… oh, rats, I can't see anything… my sister just ran out, she and James are heading this way… when that murderer gets over here I'm gonna pound him…"

BAM! Apparently Colton was as good as his word.

"Do you give up the bottle cap already?" Young Jessiebelle said.

"Since when did you like Laura this much?" Young James asked.

"Since you became a criminal. Now I have you in my-"

There was the sound of a sword being pulled from a sheath, then Vixen's voice, saying, "You… back… off. All of you! Now!"

Then a slicing sound.

"You _ruined _my favorite ribbons!" Chloe whined.

"You okay, kid?" Vixen asked.

"Fine," James whispered.

Amber sighed mournfully.

"I liked it better when you laughed haughtily!" Jessiebelle screamed. There was a whip cracking sound and a slicing sound.

"Thanks," Vixen said honestly. "I always wanted a black leather bracelet. Now stop bugging your cousin, or your friend, or whatever. Stop bugging everyone. Just go away and try leaving each other alone for once!"

* * *

There was a pause.

"Black leather bracelet?" Brock asked. "Did Vixen have a sword?"

"She was a fencer," James said.

* * *

"Hello, this is the Jessiebelle-Amber-Chloe-Colton-Quincy-Laura-Vixen-James Show, minus Quincy because he's still dead, Amber because her soul got eaten by a Dementor and she's off being melancholy somewhere, Jessiebelle because she's hiding from Laura, Laura because she's hunting Jessiebelle, and Vixen because she's busy. That leaves only me, Colton, and James. How depressing."

* * *

"Wait…" Ash said. "Jessiebelle hiding from Laura?"

"She got friendly with the Dementor that ate Amber's soul," James said.

* * *

"Yeah," Colton said. "Before you know it, James will be the only person on the show."

"Why me? Laura will get rid of me first!" James shouted.

"No, you'll murder her first!" Colton shouted back. "Along with everyone else!"

"It's our last full day on this dreadful family reunion; I won't have time to murder everyone."

"Ever heard of mass murder?"

"Let's talk about something happy for a change!" Chloe shouted. "Like… The lake looks pretty today."

"I can't think of anything happy. Besides, we haven't told our listeners about Cousin Lolly yet," James said.

"Who's Cousin Lolly?" Colton asked.

* * *

"Who's Cousin Lolly?" Tracey asked, in perfect time with Colton.

Misty laughed.

* * *

"Laura. She's all about lollypops now; as soon as she finishes one she starts another, like she's trying to break a record or something. She became allergic to chocolate this morning so she had to find a substitute."

"Ha ha," Chloe said.

"I'm not kidding. This morning she took away my chocolate and tried to eat some; her throat and tongue swelled up. Then she threw all my chocolate away just so I couldn't have it."

"Wonder if that has something to do with her new Dementor friend?" Vixen wondered aloud.

"Don't call my sister Cousin Lolly! You didn't call her Cousin Cocoa before!"

"Well, times have changed. Besides, Cousin Cocoa sounds dumb."

"Wait," Vixen said. "Did you say today was your last day?"

"Our last full day," James said.

"Oh." Vixen sounded disappointed. "Maybe we could write to each other. Could I have you guys' addresses?"

"Uh, sure!" James said. There was a scribbling sound.

"I'm not interested," Colton said.

"Your sister Cousin Lolly might be interested, though. I could give her some nice tips for caring for your Dementor."

"Ha ha. No matter what you say I'm not giving out my address."

"Okay, if that's the way you want it."

There was more scribbling.

"Oh, I don't need yours."

"You don't like me?" Chloe said. "Why not? We're both in love with James!"

"We're not in love!" James and Vixen shouted at the same time. Vixen sounded especially disturbed, as though for a second she really had been in love.

"Oh, well, that's alright. Some people have a hard time admitting their feelings." Chloe said.

"I'm not in love!" Vixen shouted, sounding more like she was reminding herself.

"Yeah, sure, right." Chloe laughed.

Vixen abruptly changed the subject. "Those clouds have me worried. I hope it won't rain."

"The forecast predicted sunny skies," Colton said.

"Where'd you hear that? It couldn't have been the radio; we don't get any signal all the way up here."

"The newspaper."

"Then it's wrong. We don't have a newspaper."

"Oh. Drat. Well, there aren't that many clouds anyway."

"What few clouds that are there are thick and black."

"You sure hate water, don't you?" James said.

Vixen sounded startled. "Well, yeah. It's getting late; I should be getting back home. See you! Or not!"

"Bye!" James said. Then he paused. "Or not? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Vixen's right," Colton said. "It is getting late, and our flight home leaves early. We should go back to the cabin."

Chloe yawned. "Yeah, I feel tired already. Come on, James."

"Vixen forgot her addresses. I'm going to run them over to her real quick." James said.

* * *

There was an immensely long pause.

"Did Laura- I mean, Cousin Lolly- look like Jessie?" Misty asked.

"Actually, yes- sort of. The hair was the same," James said. "Why?"

"Just a hunch."

"Just about anyone you meet with purple or deep red hair is probably related to me in some way," Midgard said.

"The ghost!" Brock suddenly shouted.

"Huh?"

"The ghost of Maiden's Peak… and the ghost we just saw. They're relatives of yours, aren't they, Midgard?"

"The ghost of Maiden's Peak, yes, but I wouldn't know about the ghost you just saw; I didn't see it."

"She looked a lot like Freya, except with longer hair," Brock said.

"So does the ghost of Maiden's Peak. That's not enough information."

"How many kids did you have, anyway?" Ash asked.

"Twenty-six. We said we'd name on for each letter of the alphabet."

"All at the same time?" Tracey's eyes bugged out.

"No. By the time the twenty-sixth kid was born, the first one was dead for nearly a century."

"What'd you do for V?" Misty asked.

"Venus. She was Diana's twin sister, and she took after her mother- she had her father's eyes and her mother's vision, as I used to say. She and Diana were complete opposites- Diana never married; Venus was married, what, twenty times? The only thing they had in common was they were both powerful sorceresses. Diana helped me make the Akku Amulets."

"Apparently the letters weren't in order," Jessie said. "Otherwise Diana would have had to have been a, um, nineteenth-uplet?"

"Yes," Midgard said, laughing.

The tape started back up.

* * *

"So there!" Cousin Lolly shouted. "Don't worry, me and Clyde will be out in a little while to keep you company!"

Long pause.

CRASH!

"Ouch!"

Another long pause.

"This is really confusing," Misty said.

"That tape recorder sure had a long range!" James said.

Rustling sounds.

A door opening.

"Hey," Vixen said.

"Oh. Hi. You're Vixen, right? The one who tells such scary stories?" The woman who had spoken previously said.

"That's me. What are you doing out here?"

"Thinking. About Quincy."

"You miss him?"

"Naturally."

"Would you like to join him?"

"Wha-"

Then a soft, stabbing sound. A soft gasp.

"Now where did I put those bullets… oh, I can't think… too tempting…Well, I can't think of a reason why not…" A soft sucking sound, this one more like a straw.

Another soft gasp.

"That's funny. I smell blood… someone else's blood… It's probably nothing… Still…" There was the sound of Vixen's sword slicing through some bushes. "You!"

Loud screams. The pounding of feet as someone ran.

Then a loud clatter as though someone had stepped on the tape recorder.

"Now I can kill all of you," Vixen said. "That makes this even easier."

"Why do you want to kill me?" Young James asked.

"It's nothing personal. It's a grudge my family has against your family."

"What grudge?"

"Your insert-nineteen-greats-here-grandfather and my insert-five-greats-here-grandfather fought each other."

"That's it? That's ridiculous!" Jessiebelle shouted.

"I don't think you fully grasp the magnitude of the offense. They were basically fighting to see who would control the universe. Not this universe of course. Another one. But your insert-eighteen-greats-here-grandmother escaped to this world, so my great-great-great-grandfather followed her. We have vowed to eliminate every single relative of hers."

"That's nuts!" Young James said.

"Nuts or not, I'm still going to kill you. Sorry. I mean, I really did like you for a second. Perhaps if our families were different, we could even have been friends. But I'm afraid-" She broke off as the sound of a gunshot rang out. Vixen laughed and shouted, "Try a sil-"

The play button on the tape recorder popped up. There was no more tape.

* * *

"Don't stop! What happened?" Ash shouted.

"Of all the times!" Brock said.

"Did you know the tape was going to stop there when you planned your drama?" Misty asked.

"We didn't plan a drama!" James shouted.

"Wait…" Tracey said. "Either Midgard's father or Freya's father fought to control the universe?"

"Freya's father. Don't mention that around Freya; she's touchy about the subject," Midgard said.

Suddenly, Freya's trademarked burst of light filled the dome.

When it cleared, they were standing on a small boat in the middle of the ocean.

"Where are we?" Tracey asked, even though it was obvious.

"Ash!" Misty whispered loudly. "Use the little… thingy that Pyra and Mara gave us."

"What thingy?" Ash asked.

"The one that calls them! Sheesh, why'd we let you carry it?"

"Because I rock!"

"Just get the stupid thing out!"

Ash dug the small disk out and threw it against the ground.

A geyser of fire and water sprayed out, the two elements coiling around each other like snakes up a caduceus.

"AAA!" Freya screamed. "Where'd that come from? Come on, where's the patrol, I need someone-"

"What was the sorcerer council about?" Venerra asked.

"Of all the questions, you had to think of a stupid one like that? Just some stupid kid has a lot of stupid power and should we kill him or crown him?" Freya said. "A waste of my time!"

"Kill him," Venerra said.

"Oh. Come to think of it, that's what I'd choose too, but too late now."

"Why?" Misty asked. "What did you vote?"

"I didn't. I told them they were wasting my time and left."

Suddenly five Gyarados popped up from the water. The largest one made growling noises.

"He says they're here to receive their part of the deal," Midgard said.

"Well, here they are!" Freya said enthusiastically, gesturing to the gang.

More growls.

"He says, what about the Lanturn you promised us?"

"Um… I'm getting it."

"He says they don't do the work until they get paid."

"I thought you _wanted_ to eliminate these guys!"

"He says, so what? You signed the contract, now you have to fulfill it."

"Okay… I'll have a Lanturn in a second. …Midgard?"

"Yes?"

Freya pulled out a small necklace. On the end was a small, rectangular charm made of some light green stone.

"Oh, no. Definitely not."

"What did you just say?"

"I said no!"

"It's only temporary; when I find another Lanturn I'll-"

"No, you won't. You'll forget all about me and leave me behind to slave for these menaces- and how am I supposed to escape and climb up a snowy mountain when I'm a fish?"

Freya looked furious. "When I say 'jump', I don't even want you to bother asking how high! When I say 'jump', I want you to read my mind and jump twice as high as I want!"

"I'm not psychic."

"You know what I mean! PUT…ON…THE…STUPID…TALISMAN!"

Long pause.

"No."

"IF YOU WON'T TURN INTO WHAT I WANT-" Freya noticed the amulet she was still holding. She smiled, calming down visibly. "Then you won't turn into anything!"

A corkscrew beam of light shot towards Midgard. He tried to move aside, but he was too late.

"Did it work?" Freya asked casually.

Midgard turned into a Rapidash and back. "Apparently not." There were a few more seconds of silence. "Wait, I can't turn into anything anymore…" He turned into a Rapidash again.

"Hmm," Freya said. "Possibly, since you turn into a Rapidash so much, your cells got used to it… without magic?"

"Maybe," her husband said, turning back. "It's funny, but I don't get hot- tired- my energy isn't being absorbed... And now that I think about it, after a few years, turning into a Rapidash was easier than turning into anything else…"

"Fascinating! Maybe this means- wait, what am I analyzing the situation for? I should be killing you! Or…" She held up the talisman. "This is still an option, you know."

"No."

"Then I will force you!"

"Fireeeeeeenix!"

"Aquatigerrrrrrrr!"

Pyra's Fireonix landed on the dock from above as Mara's Aquatiger leaped out of the water from below. Sylvia was riding on the Aquatiger, and Laurel was riding on the Fireonix. Laurel's dress had changed; it looked less like leaves and more like fabric.

"Did you have to call us while you were out on the water?" Pyra asked. "Fireonix is paranoid that a large wave will come and-"

Her eyes and Midgard's eyes met.

"Pyra?"

"Midgard?"

"Freya said you were dead!" They said in unison.

"I might as well be!" Midgard said.

"I almost was!" Pyra said. "Countless times!"

Freya wheeled on Ash. "Thanks a lot, genius!" She then turned to the Gyarados. "Destroy everyone on this ship! Except me. Oh, and those two," She added, pointing to Venerra and Quarr.

"Don't worry about us. We're leaving." Where the couple had been, there was suddenly nothing but air.

"But- but-" Freya scowled. Good help is so hard to enslave these days, she thought. "Back in a flash. Oh, I just made a pun. Ha ha. See you!" She cast a reunion spell to find her two minions, vanishing in her trademarked flash of light.

"Glad she's gone," Pyra said. "Levels the playing field a bit."

"She's worse than Jessiebelle and Cousin Lolly combined," said guess-who.

"Who's Cousin Lolly?" Tracey asked.

"This is your field, Ash," Misty said. "All of ours. Finally, we can actually save our own day and not rely on freak coincidence, or worse, Tracey Sketchit!"

"Yeah, and I can help too!" Laurel said. "I'm a Pokémon trainer now!" She threw out three Pokéballs. "Leafeon! Ralts! Bellossom! Go!"

"Is that the Bellossom that used to be your dress?" Misty asked.

"Yeah, so no wonder she hates me so much," Laurel said, as the Bellossom instantly sat down sulking, boring holes through her trainer with her eyes.

Ash, who had recalled his Pokémon as they were taken out of the basket, threw some of his balls into the air. "Bulbasaur, Squirtle, Pidgeotto, Butterfree!" He decided to leave Charmander out of it, since he would be in mortal danger. More so than his other Pokémon, that is.

"Marill! Venonat!" Tracey shouted.

"Zubat!" Brock shouted. Taking out any other Pokémon would be a bad idea, considering the boat didn't seem that sturdy.

"Goldeen! Starmie! Staryu! Horsea!" Misty shouted. "And Psyduck, I guess."

"Ekans!" Shouted Jessie.

"Koffing!" James added.

Midgard turned into a Rapidash.

Pyra's Fireonix launched into the air.

"Um, maybe I should stay out of this? I mean-" Firecon broke off as she noticed Pyra staring at her. "Um, Cawn?"

"You're that Firecon who asked me about talking in English, aren't you?" She asked.

"Um… yes."

"Don't worry. I'd just… had a bad day… when I threatened you, I mean. Sorry."

"You're forgiven. And maybe I will do this after all." Firecon launched into the air, not wanting to be bested by Pyra's Fireonix.

"I'll do what I can," Meowth said, "But that's not likely to be much."

"You're best is good enough for me," Firecon said.

Mara's Aquatiger stood at the ready.

"Go, Cyce!" Sylvia shouted.

Meanwhile, Ash sized the situation up. There were five Gyarados; they would probably opt to use Dragon Rage and end the fight before it began. The best thing they could do would be to split the opposition up.

"Okay, here's my strategy: we divide into teams to attack each Gyarados individually. I have enough Pokémon to take one on alone; I think Misty does too. That leaves three Gyarados and fourteen Pokémon. Team Rocket, you work with Tracey. You three sisters, take that guy. Laurel and Midgard, take the small one in the back. Here goes nothing."

"_Cawn, Cawn!_ What about me?" Firecon asked.

"Just fly around attacking whichever Gyarados has the upper hand. Same to your Zubat, Brock."

"I hope you know what you're doing!" Brock said.

"Of course I do!" Ash said. "Pikachu! ThunderShock!"

"Pika…" Lightning surrounded the yellow rat-like Pokémon. "CHUUUUUU!"

The Gyarados leader tried to twist away but caught a shock on the side. He roared in pain.

* * *

"Starmie! Staryu!" Misty shouted. "Combination Water Gun!"

The two star-shaped Pokémon fired a powerful stream of water towards the Gyarados they were facing, but the sea dragon dove underwater.

"You can run, but you can't hide," Misty muttered. "Horsea! Sludge!"

"H-h-Horsea!" Horsea sprayed the Gyarados with ink as soon as she surfaced.

"Graaha!" She shouted, rubbing her eyes with her tail. That only made it worse. "Garaara! (I can't see!)"

"Keep it up! Go, Staryu! Tackle attack!"

The Gyarados, unable to see to dodge, was wounded.

* * *

"Did we have to get stuck with Tracey?" Jessie asked.

"Yes, you have the honor of battling with me," Tracey said. "Venonat! Sleep Powder!"

"Venonat, Venonat!" The purple fuzz ball said, spreading sleeping powder over the Gyarados.

The Gyarados dove into the water, washing it off.

"Oh, well, that didn't work," Tracey said. "Let's try again."

"How about not?" Jessie said. "Ekans! Use Acid!"

"Koffing, Sludge Attack!" James added.

The air was filled with poisonous gas. Ekans decided to delay its Acid attack until the smoke cleared.

A stream of water cut through the cloud as the Gyarados washed it away.

"Ekans! Scrap my previous command!" Jessie said, realizing poison moves wouldn't be very much use against this Gyarados. "Use wrap instead!"

Ekans looked doubtful, then launched itself at the Gyarados, ready to wrap.

The sea dragon snatched the snake out of the air and began shaking it furiously, then diving underwater in an attempt to drown it.

"Ekans!" Jessie shouted.

"Hang on-" Meowth launched himself, claws extended, at the Gyarados's thrashing tail, scratching it furiously.

"GRAAAAAAAH!" The monstrous water Pokémon thrashed upward, throwing Meowth and Ekans back on the deck, Ekans looking very weak.

"Grr… Return, Ekans!" Jessie commanded.

* * *

"This won't be easy," Pyra said.

"Nothing is," Mara said. "Aquatiger, Bite!"

Aquatiger obliged, his sharp teeth cutting into the Gyarados' hard shell. Hardly any damage resulted, but it was something.

"Cyce!" Sylvia thought a moment. It had been a while since she'd last battled. "Cyce, Ice Beam!"

"CYYYYYYYY-YCE!" Cyce blasted icy cold winds from her mouth, freezing the Gyarados they were fighting.

"Now what?" Pyra asked. "Wait for it to thaw out?"

"Of course not," Mara said. "Aquatiger, Water Gun!"

"No!" Pyra said. "You see my point? That will destroy the ice. He won't be frozen anymore."

"Okay…" Mara thought a second. "Well, then, he'll thaw with a bang! Aquatiger, Fireonix, Cyce, let's see if you can whip up a Tri Attack!"

Three beams, one of ice, one of fire, and one of water were fired from their mouths, in their own version of Tri Attack.

The Gyarados was badly wounded. He shook himself. Time to show them what he could really do!

Water, weak to electricity, he thought. He opened his mouth, pouring out lightning in a Thunderbolt attack.

Aquatiger roared in pain. He was badly wounded.

Now to take care of that annoying Cyce. He opened his mouth again, this time shooting out a Toxic attack. Cyce was badly poisoned.

Finally, the annoying bird that kept flying overhead but was too scared to attack. He aimed for it, this time deciding on simple water. He fired time and time again, but the Fireonix was too fast for him.

* * *

"Ralts! Let's get this started with- Confusion!"

"RrrrrrrrrALTS!" Ralts' eyes began to glow bright blue. Suddenly, lasers fired from his eyes, surrounding the Gyarados with a blue light. Ralts swung his head backward, slamming Gyarados into the water on the other side.

The Gyarados shook himself, and then tried to fly away, hovering over the water and waving his body as though he were swimming through air.

"Don't let him get away!" Laurel shouted, already having lofty plans of capturing it- perhaps she could trade it for a Tropius so that she could get around with out relying on Pyra's Fireonix, which hated her, or Mara's Aquatiger, which felt weird to ride on. "Bellossom, Sleep Powder!"

The Bellossom smiled wickedly. She preformed Sleep Powder, spreading it all over Laurel.

"No! That's the wrong… di… rection…" Laurel collapsed.

Midgard shook his head and then glanced at the Gyarados. He was still flying away. Probably not very brave; he looked very young. Midgard sighed. He ought to have tried turning into a Gyarados while he'd still been able; their flight abilities had nothing to do with hollow bones.

* * *

Ash twisted his head around to look at how the others were doing. Well, Laurel seemed to be done. Misty was working on it. But Team Rocket and the three sisters seemed to be losing. Couldn't have that.

"Hey, Midgard, Firecon, go help Team Rocket. Zubat, Laurel, go help Pyra and Mara and Sylvia." Ash had not noticed Laurel was asleep; he thought she was sunbathing.

He then turned back to his own Pokémon. Pikachu was his ultimate weapon at the moment; he noticed the Gyarados flinching every time he ordered Pikachu to do something. And whenever the Gyarados tried to attack back, Bulbasaur stood in the way to receive the attack, weakening the affect.

* * *

Gyaranados (that was his name) could tell when he didn't have the advantage. But he was a strong battler; he was not captain of Gyaradon's army for nothing. It was time to do something to even the odds. And that meant eliminating Pikachu, and, if possible, Bulbasaur.

Using his tail, he whipped up a mini Dragon Rage, focusing on speed rather than power. Before Bulbasaur could intercept it (not that it would have been a help, considering it was a Dragon type move not a Water type move), it sent Pikachu flying.

* * *

Gyarardos, the Gyarados Team Rocket (and Tracey, if you want to bother mentioning him since he still hadn't been a use) had been fighting, also decided to level the playing field a bit. Not that he really needed to level it, but he was the type who likes a challenge as long as he wins. And although Venonat, Ekans, and Koffing had not hurt him yet, the Meowth had. His tail still stung.

I'll give that Meowth a taste of his own medicine, he thought, till he realized he hadn't bothered biting an opponent in eons, as it was rather old fashioned. So instead he launched one of his famously-powerful Water Guns, blasting Meowth away.

* * *

Firecon had listened to Ash. Generally she didn't care what Ash wanted her to do, but since she'd been about to help Team Rocket anyway, she listened. The only reason she hadn't before was because she felt she ought to be helping Pyra, Mara, and Sylvia, since after all they were friends with Ash, Misty, Brock and Tracey, and she was friends with them, and she was supposed to be all over Pyra- it was a Firecon thing- but she didn't really want to help them, so instead she'd just hovered around not helping anyone. When Ash gave her an excuse she was only too happy to follow his advice.

When Pikachu and Meowth both went flying, she could hear cries for help, Ash's cries of "Firecon, save him!" and Jessie and James calling Meowth's name, so she put two and two together and flew off, saying "I'll save him!"

* * *

Ash ran to the other side of the boat, watching Firecon fly off. She would save his Pikachu.

"Please hurry," He whispered anxiously.

When Firecon began flying back, he was overjoyed.

Until he realized what she was carrying.

"Meowth? Why did you rescue Meowth?" Ash demanded.

Firecon just hovered there, flapping her wings to keep her in one spot. "I… I thought he was the only one who needed help," She said sheepishly.

Ash growled at her. "YOU SAVED THAT WORTHLESS CAT INSTEAD OF MY PRECIOUS PIKACHU?"

Now Firecon was mad too. "He's not worthless! There are more Pokémon that are important besides Pikachu you know!"

"Well, yeah, there's Charmander, Butterfree, Bulbasaur, Squirtle, and Pidgeotto. But that's about it."

Firecon rolled her eyes. "I can't believe you!"

"Aquatiger!" Mara commanded. "Retrieve!"

The watery tiger shook itself. It was badly wounded, but a swim might help it recover. It dove in.

"Reenix! (Genius!)"

Firecon growled. "You can keep you opinions to yourself," She snarled.

Pyra's Fireonix flapped down to face Firecon. "Fire nix ree? Reenixfiiire! (Why should I? I'm just getting started!)"

"Why would you help him? _I _sure thought you were friends with _Ash_, not _Team Rocket, the idiots!_" Fireonix said in Fireonixian. "Perhaps you were too _stupid _to understand what Ash wanted!"

Firecon growled.

"Or perhaps you didn't understand the relationship between _our _evolutionary line and _his_. The Persian eats the Fircon, the Fireonix eats the Meowth!"

On this last word, he swooped down on top of Firecon. She dodged.

"What? Still supporting him? I suppose you're just too overjoyed that _anyone _could ever _notice _you, much less _like _you-"

This time Firecon dived on Fireonix, her feathers flaring with rage. Fireonix nimbly dodged. "Nix! (Wimp!)"

Firecon blazed like a star, casting Flamethrower at her opponent.

Fireonix dodged once again. "Ree nix nix! (My turn now!)"

He opened his mouth.

Firecon tried to get away, but she was enveloped in the wide stream of flames.

Meowth screamed.

But now Firecon was officially en-Rage-d. Her feathers began flaring dangerously, finally turning bright blue. She began to hunt Fireonix down.

Fireonix flew out of her reach. "Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah! Or should I say, Nya nya nya nya nya!"

"CAAAAWN!" Firecon dived again, scratching Fireonix's wings.

Fireonix spun around and drove his beak into Firecon's neck.

"CAWN-A!" Firecon cried, going a bit limp. She just couldn't take it anymore.

The Fireonix grabbed Firecon and pulled Meowth from his pre-evolved form's claws.

* * *

"FIREONIX!" Pyra screamed. "What on earth are you doing?"

"Nix e nix," Fireonix said, not really listening.

"You've already had lunch and it's not time for dinner yet. Set them down now!"

The Fireonix stared at her for a while. Then he laughed.

"Nix e Fireonix!" He called, flying off.

"Fireonix? Where are you going? FIREONIX!"

"No!"

Everyone gasped as Tracey jumped off the boat deck and grabbed onto Firecon. The shock made Fireonix drop Meowth, who plummeted to the deck.

"Nix e ree nix o!" Fireonix cawed, continuing his flight.

"AAAAAAAAAAA!" Screamed Meowth.

"Catch him!" Jessie shouted.

"I got-unk!" James got knocked aside by Midgard.

An instant later, a Gyarados dived across the deck, snatching Midgard and diving into the water on the other side.

Meowth fell where Midgard had been standing.

The other Gyarados looked at the sky and swam off as fast as they could go.

"You- you idiot!" Pyra screamed at James, waving her battle axe. "After all these years, I finally find Midgard, and now- now you killed him, you idiot!"

"Pyra!" Mara shouted. She hopped on her Aquatiger, who had just come back with Pikachu. "We've got to go! There's a-"

Her words were cut off as a giant tsunami washed the little boat away.


End file.
